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                                                                          [ Lawsuit-Happy Whiners ] [Boozy Whiners ] [ Handicapped Whiners ]

                                                                          [ Nazi Whiners ]  [  Musical Whiners]  [ Anti-police whiners ]

                                                                          [ Journalist whiners ] [ School Whiners ]  [   Restaurant Whiners  ]

Handicapped whiners

Over the many years, very unfunny guy Jerry Lewis has raised almost a billion and a half dollars for research and othr facilities for people with muscular dystrophy. A whole bunch of whiny bastards claim that he's promoting pity, and making handicapped people look bad. HEY, SHITHEADS ...... the money's he's raised has actually made a difference in the world. He has devoted a lot of his life to this. Take it if you can get it. SO sorry your feelings are hurt, but plenty of others with M.S. appreciate the efforts, the wheelchairs, the other helpful equipment and materials. 

Online whiners

Plenty of idiots have discovered the joy and disaster of online posting over the last few years. Some of us have been doing it a lot longer, especially with Yahoo message boards, usually to comment on the inner workings of companies we invest in. But now we have `S. These twits with too much time on their hands, usually while they're at work, scribble the worthless events of their boring lives for other boring twits to read. And when they get caught, usually because they said too much and somebody figured out who they were, they bitch like hell that they got fired, or embarrassed, or beaten up. If you publish online, prepare to accept the responsibility for your actions, and shut up when the shit hits the fan.

The other complete morons online are the ones who screw up their chances of getting a job by posting their own personal porn on the web. Check them out.

Anti-police whiners

According to many activists, as well as the grieving family members of criminals, all police are supposed to be psychic. These whiners complain that police should always be able to make the perfect judgment, something these whiners can do so easily in hindsight, when confronted with dangerous people wielding weapons.

There have been many cases where people who appeared dangerous, and usually with a gun or knife, ended up dead or hurt because police were forced by circumstances to shoot. Rather than tell the police what they should have done in uncertain circumstances, how about telling the original troublemaker not to wave weapons around in front of the police?

September 2007: Andrew Meyer, a University of Florida student, took the microphone at an appearance by John Kerry at the school, ostensibly to ask a question, even though organizers had already cut off questioning from the audience. But it turned into a diatribe. He refused to relinquish the mike, and insisted on screaming at Kerry. It was all a setup, as Meyer had given a video camera to a woman and asked her in advance if she was ready to tape the whole thing. Meyer asked Kerry why he'd conceded to Bush in 2004, and why he wasn't calling for Bush's impaechment. Kerry offered to answer the questions, but Meyer just kept shouting. Eventually cops stepped in, with Meyer screaming the whole time. Eventually he got tasered. Lots of idiots are screaming that this was "an assault on reason" and that the violence on him was unnecessary. But if you're being an asshole in a public place, you're just begging for it.

Throughout 2005, there was a huge debate over the use of Tasers. People bitch about the "victims" of tasers, who ended up hurt or dead. But if a cop was at the point where a taser had to be used, chances are the situation was dire, and at least he was trying to use a means that's typically less lethal. The alternative, getting shot with bullets, sure seems crappier, doesn't it?

January 2006, Lockwood FL, a troubled kid walked into his school with a pellet gun painted to look like the real thing. And it did look like the real thing. The family lawyer said the police were informed that the gun was "likely a fake." But when the kid wouldn't settle down, or put down the weapon, he got shot, and ended up brain-dead, on life support. 

As it is, police are often too patient with people. They negotiate endlessly. At some point, put a bullet in somebody's knee.

Shopping whiners

November 2005: Another year, and more stories about morons who line up outside big box stores at 4 am to get the best post-Thanksgiving bargains. Sure, it's rotten of the stores to advertise those loss leader sales and say they're first-come only, guaranteeing a mess. But if you stand in a crowd, jockeying for position at the doors of a store, and join the stampede when those doors open, no surprise when you get trampled. So tonight we're watching the news from a Wal-Mart where this very thing happened. And this dumb broad is on the tube, telling the cameraman that "this isn't working ..... you got people here getting hurt, people with their babies...." And I'm thinking, you got up before the roosters to stand in line with your BABY in the freezing cold, in a mob of coupon-clutching morons, to save a couple of bucks? You're an IDIOT.

Traffic whiners

Yet another train hitting another bunch of cars, this time in Elmwood Park, Illinois. And another husband of another victim (thankfully nobody killed THIS time) saying there should be "some kind of technology" to keep this from happening again. Actually, what was in place to prevent this kind of accident was a group of signs saying "Don't stop on the tracks." And it's just common sense. If you see that you don't have a clear path ahead of you to get past railroad tracks, you don't go forward. You stop, BEFORE the tracks. Common friggin' sense. Don't complain that somebody didn't look into the future and invent something to save complete morons from putting themselves in front of an oncoming train.

June 2006: A bunch of "hip-hop" artists (sorry, it still sounds like bullshit to me) are all over Oprah Winfrey's ass, saying that she doesn't support them. She came back at them, saying she doesn't like all the lyrics about how women sucks, women are hos, you should worship jewelry and cars and violence, etc. These dumbshits 

February 2006: Mick Jagger says that the "censorship" of his lyrics during a Super Bowl performance was wrong and "unnecessary."  Well, Mick, it's the SUPER BOWL. Lots of kids watching. The lines "you'd make a dead man cum" and "I'm just one of your cocks" just doesn't fly in prime time, on a regular network, especially with that big of an audience. I enjoyed the show immensely. They bleeped two words. Not the end of the world.
 

Please, Ja, keep Don Henley from ever recording again. All he ever sings about is how great things used to be, and how shitty they are NOW. He depresses the crap out of everybody.
 

December 2000 : Fans of John Lennon, as they do every year, wanted to gather on the anniversary of his death in a spot in Central Park renamed Strawberry Fields.  As usual, the fans wanted the "vigil" to linger into the wee hours, past the 1 am curfew. Mayor Rudy Giuliani refused to lift the curfew, saying the fans had more than enough time to sing and remember.  Tom Leighton of the Lennon Memorial Committee said, "We want to invite the mayor to come down and sing with us. We hope he wakes up from his 1950s coma and realizes December 8th is a significant date."

Welllllllll ....... seeeeeee ....... the mayor doesn't want to have to spend all sorts of money on extra security for a few would-be hippies who want to remember a guy who sang about peace and love but who also beat his first wife, cheated on her repeatedly, cheated on the woman he cheated on his wife with, ignored his first child, was a mean-spirited drunk, and who was often a drug-addled goofball.  I suppose Lennon would love all this worship, since he pretty much worshipped himself.  Oh, and Tom, insulting the mayor isn't going to make him want to join you or lift the curfew.  Lennon himself said, if you want to drive the car, get the keys.  In other words, do what works.  In other words, sing and chant, then get your beads and incense out of the park by one.  Okay?

Huh?  You mean there's an airport  there?

Chicago's O'Hare Airport, on and off rated the busiest in the world or the USA, depending on the latest rankings, is a noisy place, like most airports.  Planes take off and land, big fat jets that emit plenty of rumbling.  And this is no mystery, no surprise. What is a mystery is why grown people would move nex tto the airport, which they know is noisy, then complain to their Congressmen that it's noisy. "No new runways, make them change the flight schedules, make them pay to soundproof my house," they cry.

Better yet, if you don't like the noise, DON'T MOVE NEXT TO THE AIRPORT. 

I was at the Pappadeaux between Oakbrook and Westmont, Illinois, in fall 2000, and a while waiting to be seated, a woman barged ahead of me and started berating the host, saying "Don't you have another damn door for people to come in?  My mother's handicapped?"  The man quickly offered to open a door closer to the handicapped parking, but she waved him off, muttering under her breath.  Sure enough, a few minutes later, here she comes with her mother in tow, leaning on a walker and carrying oxygen.  Now, if I'm that mother, I would beat my kid for two reasons: first, for being rude and not asking politely before yelling, and second, for not CALLING AHEAD to find out how the place is set up, thereby making me drag my ass around half the building with my walker.
 

A drunken Brit at the Leg Room cocktail lounge in Chicago offered waitress Melanie Uczen a $10,000 tip for a $9 order of drinks.  Turns out the Brit's credit card maxxed out on the tip, and it was rejected.  The woman made a huge stink about not getting her large tip.  Did she get stiffed?  Well, if a guy's tanked enough or goofy enough to offer such a tip, she should probably have laughed it off.  Instead, she made like it was an ironclad contract.  The bar owners have been kinda stupid about it too.  If the Brit doesn't come up with the whole tip, the bar has offered her the money, given the great publicity they've gotten from trying to shake down a sotted customer.

Journalistic whiners

June 2000, a nutcase who blamed a school for him losing custody of his kids barged into said school, taking some teachers and a roomful of very young children hostage.  He even taunted police by waving a toddler in front of a window.  He asked for a getaway plan, a bus, he wanted to take some hostages with him to the airport, etc.  He asked a camera crew to come in and tape his side of the story.  The crew turned out to be cops in disguise, and they shot him in the head.  Now several journalist organizations are complaining that this will put them in more danger.  Okay, so I guess the cops should have just given the guy a plane?  Morons.

School Whiners
 

Fat kids

Almost every state in the USA has some kind of policy on how the schools should deal with childhood obesity. This is wrong. The correct opinion is, the government, which has enough on its hands by virtue of being headed up by idiots, should have no policy whatsoever on obesity. The responsibility for eating in moderation and exercising more rests solely with individuals, including kids. If a kid is getting too big, the parent(s) should speak up. “Hey, get your fat ass from in front of that TV and go outside.”  It’s called Personal Responsibility.
 

May 2000: Graduates of Hersey High School in Arlington Heights, Illinois, got mad because they weren't allowed to wear African kente stoles at graduation.  It seems they wanted to celebrate, at their high school graduation ceremony, an African lifestyle they've never led, rather than appear in the cap and gown worn by everybody else in their class.  The school and the Board of Educaiton prefer to comunicate the message that everyone is equal, everyone, regardless of race or creed, gets a diploma, they've all shared the struggle of school, and they're celebrating together.  In 1998, four students in Denver were denied permission to wear kente cloth to graduation, and they literally made a federal case of it.  The judge correctly ruled that the school district had the right to control the content and message at the ceremony.  Naturally, the geniuses from the ACLU represented them.

November 2005: Yet another female teacher has been caught having sex with an underage student. Okay, it's wrong, no question. But quit calling this RAPE or MOLESTATION. When a young boy gets the chance to hump his female teacher (and in this case, she was pretty damn good-lookin'), it's gonna happen. HE has to supply the plumbing. HE isn't the one getting penetrated. Meaning, he had to be a full participant. It's wrong, but it sure ain't rape.

Animal  Whiners

PETA  (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) is starting to really push it.  They want the Green Bay Packers to change their name, since the term "Packer" derives from meat-packer, and PETA thinks the name celebrates animal slaughter.

PETA also asked the guys who run the Indy 500 to replace the traditional winer's glass of milk with orange juice, because "so many blacks and Hispaics are lactose-intolernat," meaning that the glass of milk is a racist gesture.
 

Years ago, the El Segundo fly, an endangered species of fly, one of the many, many known species of flies we have an abundance of, was made extinct when its habitat gave way to the L.A. International Airport.  Fly-watchers were horrified when they realized they'd never again set eyes on a wild specimen of El Segundo fly.

Now, in a desperate measure to avoid a repeat of this cataclysm, the Fish and Wildlife Service has put the brakes on over $500 million worth of development, houses and streets and shopping centers east of L.A., because of fears that the building projects will wipe out the Delhi Sands fly.  The Delhi Sands fly has been put on the endangered list as well.

Considering that flies live in, and off of, garbage and stuff that comes out the back ends of dogs, how idiotic does a particular species of fly have to be to end up on an endangered species list?  I'd say that this particular breed of fly must not be terribly hearty.  In other words, rev up the bulldozers.

July 2000 : Thomas Jones of Philadelphia was spotted driving a car stolen in an earlier carjacking.  Police gave chase.  Jones crashed the car, then exchanged gunfire with police, stolea squad car, and was finally captured.  He shot one officer, and bit another.  A dozen officers, black AND white, ended up beating the hell out of him.  A TV copter got it on tape.  Now Al Sharpton and other professional stooges are screaming about Jones civil rights.  This case comes under the heading, "You Get What You Deserve."  I wonder if Al has anything to say about the injured officers, the lengthy police record, or the crack pipe found in the stolen car.
 

July 2000:  About 10,000 protesters, mostly black, marched outside a Detroit department store where a black man, Frederick Finley, died after security guards had put him in a choke hold, back on June 22nd.  Surveillance cameras apparently caught Finley's stepdaughter and a family friend shoplifting.  Security tried to detain them in the parking lot, and Finley punched one of the guards in the face, prompting the wrestling match.  Sorry, folks, but if you get caught, and you get violent, all bets are off.  If somebody smacks me, I don't think too hard about how not to hurt him.  Sept 2000 update: a judge dismissed involuntary manslaughter charges against tthe black security guard involved.
 

Deadria Farmer-Paellmann, a New York lawyer, discovered that Aetna used to insure Southern farmers against the deaths of slaves.  Apparently unhappy that Aetna may have profited from this sort of insurance way back when, she has asked Aetna to make right by establishing a multi-million dollar fund for minority education and business.  Aetna has issued an apology for its company's history, but feels that since it already contributes to various minority-benefiting funds, it's done its part.  Deadria says that Aetna has no excuse for not making more restitution, even though slavery ended over a century ago.  Well, y'know what?  Aetna hasn't insured any slaves for a long, long time.  Nobody currently working at Aetna owns any slaves.  Give it a rest, Deadria.
 

Prison labor has gotten really, really  big.  It's a good economy, there are fewer people to do certain kinds of jobs, and there are companies with jobs to give that can't find help.  But advocates for prisoners complain that prison labor is cruel, that prisoners may be exploited, that prisoners don't have a lot of choices if a single employer is the only one applying to a prison for help, that prisoners have no bargaining power.  HUH?  First off, they're IN JAIL.  They're NOT SUPPOSED to get lots of choices.  Next, they're not FORCED to participate in these programs.  They don't get paid a lot?  Cripes, they're IN JAIL.  What are they going to spend their money on?  Are they supposed to get minimum wage in there? They're IN JAIL.  Research shows that employed prisoners are less likely to return to crime upon release.  In regards to bargaining power, they're IN JAIL.  They coughed up a lot of power when they committed  the crimes for which they were put IN JAIL.  Got it?   They're lucky they get the option at all.  After all, they're IN JAIL.
 

March 2000: The CTA and the city of Chicago would like to keep homeless folk from riding train cars all night long, using the trains as a de facto shelter.  Instead, they'd like to point them to various city services and real shelters.  The majority of violent incidents in the last several months on trains have involved homeless people, some of whom are slightly unhinged.  As usual, advocates for the homeless just presume that if these folks squat someplace, that someplace instantly becomes a God-given right.  Fact is, there are better and safer places for the homeless to hang out, and anybody who legitimately buys a train ticket has a right to expect a safe ride free of ex-mental patients. 
 

Gary Busch of the Borough Park neighborhood of Brooklyn got ticked off and beat a police officer with a claw hammer.  Not too cool.  Other police officers ordered him to drop the hammer.  He refused to do so.  They shot him twelve times, and he died.  Hundreds of neighbors in the predominantly Jewish neighborhood demonstrated in the streets later to protest the killing, saying that police could have disarmed him.   The fact that Busch used the hammer and wouldn't put it down isn't disputed, only the manner in which police responded.

And they're protesting this?  Sorry, but I give the police the benefit of the doubt in these situations.  If you're doing something bad, and it's potentially lethal, you're toast.
 

In a small Arizona town on the Mexican border (just north of Agua Prieta), local ranchers have gotten tired of illegal immigrants flooding across the line all day and all night, breaking into their homes, killing their cattle, littering their fields, cutting their water lines, and generally making their lives awful.  So they've armed themselves to drive off or occasionally arrest illegals, while they wait for beefed-up border patrols.  Sounds logical.  But local immigrant activists say that these ranchers are violating people's civil rights and are acting out of racism.

Huh?  These ranchers own property.  They want to protect it.  The illegals cause tons of damage, regularly run over the border and dive into local businesses, where they demand that the Hispanic proprietors hide them from the police.  To HELL with their "civil rights."

Smoking Whiners

July 2000: two sides of a stupid issue ...... a record judgment has been made by a jury, after two years, awarding BILLIONS to a horde of ailing smokers, and threatening the very lives of all the major tobacco companies.  Their lawyer, in fact, called it a "death warrant" for those companies.  I despise both sides in this case.  The tobacco companies have in fact knowingly, for decades, signed the death warrants for almost half a million people a year, selling a product that, face it, kills.  And the idiots who sued knew exaclty what they were doing.  Everybody knows smoking can kill you. Before there were warnings on cartons, doctors were warning people to quit, that smoking was hazardous.   The litigants knew it, and they continued smoking.  So screw them too. 

The suit is meant to benefit hundreds of thousands of unidentified smokers, whose identity and exact ailments haven't been proven.  One of the named plaintiffs, Frank Amodeo, said of the verdict that it "sends a message" to the tobacco companies "about what they've been doing to me for fifty years."  Gee, Frank, did they twist your frigging arm?  Did they MAKE you smoke?  Have you not read and heard the millions of words printed and broadcast the last several decades about the dangers of smoking?  Your own stupidity has done you in, Frank.

Dan Webb of Illinois, once a public servant in Illinois government, is now the legal mouthpiece for the tobacco companies.  It's very sad.

At my building, as at my last several buildings, the smokers gather outside and grouse about how they're treated like second-class citizens, forced into the elements to ply their dirty habit.  We non-smokers are infringing on their God-given right to toke up.  Well, YEAH.  We ARE.  In 1990, I worked at a joint where I was the last cube on the end of the non-smoking section.  This meant I absorbed all manner of smoke from the clowns at the next set of cubes.  In 1992, I was in a building where every half hour, the smokers all got up to take their non-sanctioned but assumed cig break.  Those of us who didn't smoke weren't assumed to be allowed such a break.  When these people complained about having to stand outside in the heat or cold, I'd remind them, they weren't at their desks.

At O'Hare Airport in Chicago, it's hilarious to pass the idiots at The Smoking Zoo.  It's the only place there you're allowed to light up.  It's a clear plexi-glass cage, OUTSIDE, and it's often absolutely clouded.  All that crap building up in the air in there used to be floating around free for the rest of us to absorb in our clothes, our hair, our lungs.  July 2000, I was passing the smoking zoo at the Louisville airport, down the Southwest terminal, and there's a big-chested lady who's brought her small child in there with her, the better to keep an eye on him while she practices her dirty habit, the better for him to suck up the literal cloud inside the glass pen.  Way to go, Mom. 

For literally centuries, non-smokers have been subjected to the tyranny of smokers, blowing their shit into the air, even exposing their kids to it.  Smokers all still treat the entire outdoors like a big ashtray.  Cigarette butts litter the whole landscape.  At office buildings, even when management supplies ashcans, smokers still dump their butts on the ground and smash them.  They throw them out their car windows.  They don't give a crap.

If you smoke and you have to go outside, if you can't smoke at Mom's, if you're not allowed in the restaurant, TOO FREAKING BAD.  A whole lot of us have had their meals ruined, and their clothes rendered smelly, by you and your ilk our whole lives.    Now that the benefit of the doubt is being given to those of us who DON'T have an expensive, health-wrecking weakness, your inconvenience is insignificant to me and my children. 

At Joe's Diner,  a deficient little joint in Cave City, Kentucky, there's no non-smoking section, fine.  But when the manager decided to smoke right behind us, and we asked him politely to move over, he gave us a bunch of shit.  So guess what?  He won't see us again. The food was crap anyway.

Instead of whining about your ever-shrinking rights, try QUITTING.  Instead of presuming that you have the right to treat the whole out-of-doors like a giant ashtray, regularly throwing butts on the ground and out of car windows, try QUITTING.

Racial Whiners

There's plenty of REAL racism in the world, especially in the United States. But when you cry "racism" in a situation where there IS none, you don't help the cause of tolerance. 
 

The offender had two arms and two legs

November 2007: A child rapist in Phoenix was described by police as a "male Hispanic."  A Spanish-speaking radio station in town complained that the description was "racist and stereotyped." No, it's part of the description. Their alternative was "dark skinned." Okay, but rather than narrowing it down and making it easier to catch the guy, that makes it far harder. Is the suspect now possibly black, Cuban, or heavily tanned?  Even the ACLU, which usually whines about such things, doesn't go along with the radio guys, who are whiny dickheads. DICKHEADS.
 

Mama's little boy is a scumbag

Genarlow Wilson had consensual whoopee with two underage girls and went to jail. First he made it with a seventeen-year-old girl, then a fifteen-year-old girl, both at the same party, and both times on VIDEOTAPE. The law let him slide on the first, but not on the second. A whole lotta fuss was made over this poor kid going to jail for possibly ten years for this. And yeah, that was excessive, no doubt. But his many supporters whould note, what he did was arrogant, predatory, and wrong. And the videotape thing made it completely sleazy. 
 
 

Thugging your way to martyrdom

The so-called Jena 6 down in Louisiana, a group of black high school kids, apparently in reaction to some nasty shit some white boys did, ganged up on another white boy and beat the snot out of him. It was planned and executed. They were jailed. At least one of them was already on probation for earlier misdeeds. It seemed the whole country, and certainly Jesse and Al, were in an uproar. These poor black kids were being terribly mistreated, they said. There's no justice, they said. This, ignoring the fact that SIX of them beat the hell out of ONE kid. It gets better. There have been all sorts of fund-raisers for them, to come up with defense money. Only one group pcan account for how the money's been spent. One of the kids was photographed with hundred dollar bills sticking out of his mouth. Two more went to the BET awards and posed like rappers. Apparently nobody's told them that humility is a virtue, and that ganging up on somebody in cowardly fashion is NOT.
 
 

NearlyAsinineAboutCanineProtection

August 2007: The NAACP has come out in support of Michael Vick. They told everybody not to "rush to judgment." They said he was being treated nastier because he is black. Apparently it doesn't mean anything to them that he's been engaging in the foulest of "sports," the rearing adn training of dogs to tear each other to shreds. People don't even really care about the gambling aspect of it. It's the horrendous notino that Vick and his cohorts raised and trained dogs to maim and kill each other. It's the fact that Vick admitted to personally executing dogs by hanging, electrocution, clubbing, body slamming, and other means, when they didn't perform well.

Unfortunately, it's still necessary, even in this day and age, to point out racism when it surfaces, and it still does. Look at the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. But it's counter-productive to yell "racism" where it doesn't exist. And when you already border on being irrelevant, as the NAACP does, it's dangerous to play the race card where it's inappropriate. The Michael Vick case is one of those. He's not going to jail for being a black criminal, he's going to jail for being a criminal, period.
 

April 2007: The Rutgers women's basketball team came within an inch of winning the 2007 NCAA title. Good for them. Then misanthropic radio personality Don Imus, noting their tattoos and rough style, said they were "nappy headed ho's." The outcry was enormous. Imus was called sexist, racist, and evil. Fox "News" jumped all over him, because Imus doesn't like Bush (and despite their use of racist, homophobic shrew Ann Coulter). Al Sharpton, who's never apologized for or explained the wacky Tawanna Brawley case that he hyped even after the alleged victim admitted she'd made it all up, had Imus on his own radio show and said he should be fired. The team itself held a press conference, in which their coach got all emotional over the terrible hurt they'd suffered. Oh, golly. Okay, so they got called names. Big freaking deal. They weren't dragged over hot coals. Nobody thinks, just because Imus used that word, that they're all working girls. Grow up and shake it off. Imus got suspended for two weeks, and they didn't think it was enough. Well, the CORRECT OPINION on this one is, he said something stupid, but Howard Stern says lots worse five times a day. Where's the outrage? Sharpton, as stated, never explained the Brawley thing away. Black rappers and comics drill the N-word into the ground, and say the worst possible things about all black women, for a living. If HALF the invective spewed at Imus was tossed at those rappers and comics, then maybe it would look like these people cared about this kind of language. But no, they wait 'til a WHITE GUY says it. Everybody wants to be a victim, everybody wants a frigging apology. Nobody was happy until Don Imus was driven off the air completely. If these hypocrites don't start going after rap "artists" and comics next, then they can all go to hell. Hell, even though they said they plan to do that very thing, the correct opinion on THAT is, where the hell have they been the last twenty years?
 

March 2007: The Iranians all have their underwear in a knot over the movie "300" which tells the story of the small band of Spartans who held off a huge number of Persians at the Battle of Thermopylae. No, it's not historically accurate. Yeah, it doesn't make the Persians look good. Yeah, Xerxes actually did some good things in his time. But it's a freaking movie. Besides, you dipshits, how about all that revisionist history YOU guys engaged in regarding the Holocaust? As in, deny it, hold a whole convention about it, commission cartoons about it. If I was you guys, I'd be lots more worried about all the damn sanctions on the way because of that nuclear program.
 

January 2007: Joe Biden, running for president, paid fellow candidate Barack Obama a long, clumsy compliment. He used the word "clean" when saying this. A whole bunch of idiots demanded clarification, apologies, retractions, etc. Biden might have used an awkward set of words, but he was being positive. SO SHUT THE HELL UP. Biden has a good record on foreign policy, race relations, and a whole set of other issues. He's a generally good guy. SO SHUT THE HELL UP.
 

November 2006: Michael Richards, "Kramer" from the Seinfeld show, tried some standup comedy. He sucked. He got heckled. He went nuts on people. He used the word "nigger." It was an unfortunate meltdown. But the guys he cussed at want an apology. Having been to many comedy clubs, I know that just by virtue of being in the audience, I'm asking for abuse. At one place in 1984, I got shit for having hair all over the place. More recently, for not having nearly enough hair. I've seen people abused for wearing turbans, for being black, for being pale, for wearing a stupid hat, for just being women, etc. If you have thin skin, stay away from standup comics.
 

Diann Burns, bumbling and overpaid newsreader for Channel 2 news in Chicago, sued the contractor who worked on her multi-million-dollar home. She called him "racist" for trying to sneak shoddy work past her and her husband, both of whom are black. It's not enough to call a guy a crook, he's got to be a "racist crook."

It's not the first time she's played the race card. There was way too much talk that her old TV station, Channel 7 in Chicago, was racist for not wanting to give her a gigantic raise. Considering she can barely read off a teleprompter, I can't understand her complaint.

The night of the 2006 mid-term elections, Burns was covering a candidate named Rutherford. She called him "Rootherford."
 

Illegal immigrants are a big problem in the USA. And the protesters are idiots. Especially the ones who march down the street waving Mexican flags and chanting "Mexico! Mexico!" Hey, shitheads, isn't the whole point of wanting to be here to assimilate? You're missing the point, obviously. Don't rag about how stupid people are in the USA, chant the name of the country you're from, and say you want to stay. What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?

Second, the USA can't afford all the illegals. Hell, the way the GOP is running up the credit card, it can't afford the people who are already here. You want to move from one country to another, then go through the frigging legal process.

NY Governor Eliot Spitzer, an excellent prosecutor in his previous career, has brain cramped. He wants to give driver's licenses to illegals. Driving is a privilege, not a right. This is nuts. These people have no official rights. Who's going to pay for all this shit? Supporters, including Hillary Clinton, say this helps identify people when they get in accidents. WRONG. These folks get in accidents and run away. They often flee back to Mexico when they get in trouble. They'll use it as ID when it's convenient, and be invisible when it's NOT.

Another thing that doesn't make any freaking sense ..... why are these dipshits entering the USA illegally and then complaining about how things are run, instead of complaining to the MEXICAN government about fixing things THERE, so that the people don't feel compelled to get out int he first place? 

Mexico has its undies in a knot over how the USA treats illegals, doesn't want the American military on the border, and wants the USA to fast-track illegals to citizenship. But how does Mexico deal with its own illegals from its own southern border? It has deployed thousands of its troops, it allows gangs to prey upon them, it has declared that illegals can serve up to two years in prison for sneaking in, and it has legalized only a few thousand of them. Hypocritical assholes.

August 2006: an illegal in Chicago who was convicted previously for Social Security fraud was ordered to report for deportation. She said, but wait, I have a kid. But wait, I'm staying out of trouble. But wait, how can you do this? Well, you came here illegally, broke the law, and set the example for WHY Americans don't want illegals coming in and breaking the law. So what's she do? Hide out in a church, and break the law again. Meantime, she sleazily sent her VERY young son on a road trip to petition the government in Mexico to ask clemency. Better yet, have the kid ask the Mexican gummint to get their shit together so everybody doesn't wanna come HERE.

April 2006: Idiot kids at a high school in Enis, TX were warned not to participate in a walkout, protesting a Congressional debate on immigration reform. But they did anyway, and were subsequently banned from attending their prom. Naturally, they bitch and moan and complain that the punishment is too severe. So they were warned, they knew the consequences, they did their thing anyway, then they complain about the results.
 

EVEN ORPAH WINFREY isn't above pulling the racial thing out when it serves her purpose. She screamed racism when a store catering to the wealthy wouldn't let her in after hours.
 

Too many people have played the racism card when defending Barry Bonds. One fellow player was even dumb enough to say “If they caught a white guy doing the same thing, would they shit all over him like they’re doing to Barry?”  The answer, you simpleton, is YES. Mark McGwire is pretty much screwed in the realm of public opinion. Ken Caminiti, remember him? Jason Giambi? Rafael Palmeiro? Forget about those guys, did we?
 

Cynthia McKinney, a ten-term US representative from Georgia, tried walking past a security checkpoint at the capital WITH a new hairdo and WITHOUT her identification pin. When a capitol cop tried to stop her and ask for ID, she smacked him with a cel phone. She claimed it was racial profiling, and that it was all about her being a black woman. No other Democrats backed her up. When she got dinked for it, with possible assault charges, she suddenly apologized, and backed off the racial crap. This is somebody who feels too special. In the meantime, her own website has featured some lovely racial comments with regard to people of OTHER colors.
 

The Reverend James Meeks, an Illinois state senator, was being driven by an employee who pulled some traffic no-no's. A squad car pulled him over. Meeks himself got out of the car and approached the officer. Depending on who's telling the story, the details vary, but essentially the officer ended up cussing at Meeks, drawing his weapon, and ordering him back in the car. Meeks got EVERYBODY in the Chicago area riled up about how the police treat black people. And sure, there are incidents of profiling and harassment. But this isn't one of them. When a cop pulls you over, you stay in the car unless otherwise ordered. The cop doesn't know if you're a loon with a knife or gun. Meeks in fact had a cellphone in his hand. In the wrong light, it might look like a weapon. Meeks actually identified himself as the Reverend Representative Meeks, as if that's supposed to mean something during a traffic stop. Instead of skipping common sense and staying in the car, he tried to pull rank. It was also suggested that the police need to publish guidelines on how people should act when pulled over. "Oh gee, I didn't know I shoudl stay in the car." BULLSHIT. It's common sense. 
 

After the seemingly idiotic citizens of Washington DC finally elected a non-crackhead for mayor (a gentleman who appears to have his head on right, both morally and fiscally), one of his aides in charge of fiscal matters said in a private meeting, "I will have to be niggardly with this money," in other words, "I must be miserly," because they don't have a lotta cash. The word niggardly has no relation whatsoever to a well-known and distasteful racial slur. It's an old word, completely non-offensive, but another aide blew up, and demanded the aide's resignation over use of the word. A whole bunch of other morons demanded the same thing. My correct opinion on this matter is that the rest of us should be outraged that the nation's capital employs idiots with limited vocabularies and a tendency to be offended all too easily. Is it YOUR fault if you use a word that somebody else is too stupid to be aware of? NO. Bounce these boneheads, and finish cleaning up DC. I've been there, and it stinks. Considering they spent years re-electing a crackhead, you'd think they have better things to worry about than their own limited vocabularies.

Representative Gus Savage of Illinois used to yell "racist" for everything. When journalists went after him for non-attendance of legislative meetings and votes, he'd call them racist. He even admitted to a journalist once that using the word "racist" was a gimmick to get the attention of his constituents. He claimed that only white people could be racist, while simulatneously making anti-semitic remarks on a regular basis. He claimed that his last opponent Mel Reynolds was funded by "racist Jews."  In 1989, he was accused of trying to force unwanted attention on a Peace Corps worker. He blamed the charges on the "racist press."  Needless to say, even his own constituents grew tired of this racist nonsense, and he lost by a large margin to Reynolds. Later, at the Million Man March, he went on another anti-white and anti-Semitic rant. He is the epitome of the asshole who cried wolf.

Tower of Babble

For years, we've been told that, because so many people are sneaking under the fence, we need to provide bilingual services, left and right. No place has been more plagued by this than California, which has seeming riches, which it doesn't, and which also has too many illegal immigrants. July '99, California now has to provide all services to all illegal immigrants. Huh?

In the meantime, California dumped, a year ago, bilingual education programs. The immigrant advocates, who must have relatives they need to support on other people's taxes, screamed bloody murder. But whaddaya know, test scores for immigrant kids went up. They had to learn English, those poor little babies, in a country where the common language is, you guessed it, ENGLISH, and they did just dandy. And now they'll be better prepared for the future. Oh, but being prepared for the future, that would be racist, right?

Yes, yes, it was a huge frigging mistake, blowing up the Chinese embassy in Belgrade.  It wasn't meant to happen.  It was a tragic accident.  Never mind that the Chinese lied like hell, and that the so-called "journalists" killed inside were actually intelligence agents. But all these morons in Beijing are reacting as if we'd gone to war with them.  I watched in horror on the news as Beijing policemen actually encouraged protesters to throw bricks at the American embassy there.  These are the same assholes who have been selling deadly Silkworm missiles to the Iranians for many years, along with other weapons systems.  Iran is a known exporter of terrorism, but this doesn't seem to bother the Chinese.  So now here we are, trying to get lunatic Milosevic to knock off the shit, and we boo-boo, and we're sorry, but of course the Chinese, caught redhanded in spying on our nuclear labs, and also reeling from trying to deal with some weirdo religious movement that is disrupting their polite society, are trying to now deflect attention from some of their own goofups by making us look like very bad guys.  Um, how do I say this politely? Go to hell.

Colorado Clods
 

April 2000: local authorities released a videotape of the school scene from after the Columbine shootings, and included background music. It was found to be in bad taste, of course, and pulled.  Dum-dum-dum.

On the day the last victim of the Columbine shootings was laid to rest, a bunch of screaming ninnies complained to the governor of Colorado that the memorial service the governor's office helped put together was not to their liking.

Some protesters said the service should have been "inclusive." They apparently felt left out.  Hey, did someone shoot their kids?

On stage at the event, held April 25th, were blacks, Jews, born-agains, national and state officials, and  a few others.  Do these protesting morons need Sikhs, Zoroastrians, Mormons, devil worshippers, or Buddhists?

Rabbi Steven Foster of Temple Emanuel said the service "didn't pass the smell test."

Mike Carrier, president of the Interfaith Alliance of Colorado, complained that Rev. Franklin Graham (son of Billy) "was trying to terrorize us into heaven instead of loving us into heaven."  Uh-huh.  I suppose Jesus himself has given you the blueprint for the correct way to preach.

Patrick Demmer, president of the Metro Denver Ministerial Alliance, was upset that the group leading the service was "pretty vanilla."  Um, dummy, Colin Powell was up there.  Doesn't get any more high-profile or less vanilla than that.   Ah, but Demmer says, "Having faces of color on the stage isn't enough.   Why didn't they have any blacks or Hispanics or Asians speaking?"

You FOOLS, it was a MEMORIAL SERVICE.  Is it supposed to be politically correct?  Are there quotas for memorial services?   Gee whiz, if it wasn't to your liking, maybe NOBODY GIVES A SHIT.  It should matter most to the community to whom it happened, to the parents of the victims.  Next time, have your OWN damn memorial service, and make sure you subject all the participants to a strenuous application process.

Some of the parents of the shooting victims are suing the police, saying they should have done more to protect their children.   Sorry, folks, but that's ridiculous.  If bad people want to do bad things, they will do those bad things.  The police can't read bad people's minds in advance.

The American Civil Liberties Pinheads

NOW the ACLU is saying that we all have a right to run away from the police.  They actually argued  this one to the Supreme Court (Oct '99).  Agh!  Seems to me, if you spot the police and take off, that's pretty damn suspicious.
 

I wish to hell these idiots would leave the Boy Scouts alone.  The Boy Scouts of America is a PRIVATE organization.  Yeah, they shouldn't necessarily keep out gays, but if they want to, that should be their right.  If a private MEN's club wants to keep out women, that should be THEIR right as well.  If it's private, it's private. 
 

One of the latest bits of litigation-in-the-name-of-stupidity coming out of the ACLU is their leaping to the defense of gang-bangers, who want to preserve their right to gather on street corners to sell dope and hassle innocent citizens. One of the few effective means Chicago police, for example, have had at their disposal to disperse gang activity is hassling them off the streets when they roam around in large numbers. I'll bet these ACLU ninnies wouldn't so quickly support the crooks if they gathered on the lawyers' own lawns.
 

The town of Palatine, Illinois, has felt the need to give a stretch of country road to the Klan as part of Palatine's "Adopt A Road" program. Palatine did this in order to avoid a protracted court battle. Seems the ACLU was ready to defend the Klan's right to clean up trash.  Never mind that lynching, midnight riding, race-baiting stuff.  Let 'em put their names on a public street sign next to the lane where they bag discarded McDonalds wrappers.
 

Cicero, Illinois, essentially run by crooks for years, has been trying to rid itself of gang nuisances. They have filed suit against known gang members to stop them from doing gang-type things, and also tried passing ordinances to keep them from congregating with other known gang members on the street. It may or may nor work, but the ACLU is determined not to let them try even this little tactic. As always, the ACLU is on the side of the wrong-doers. Why? Because that's what they do.
 

Ever had to walk around Lower Wacker Drive in Chicago? It's scary to start with, but the folks who sleep down there and fill it with junk and bits of furniture and their own waste made it all the worse. The businesses whose loading docks turned into dorm rooms finally got relief from the city, which has tried to move the former "residents" into shelters. The ACLU and other accumulated morons are screaming that the fences the city erected around the loading docks turned public thruways into private parking lots. But each night the homeless turned private property into personal living space. God forbid the city try to steer those people toward warm beds and hot food. No, no, let them piss behind somebody's building and sleep on concrete in a monoxide-filled tunnel.

I've volunteered in shelters, I always give the sax man at the airport a buck, I've been accosted by crackheads in DC. I'm not immune to these folks.  But if people living on the street are a hazard to themselves and others, they need help and the public needs protection. Now that they're tearing up and rebuilding Wacker, they'll be able to herd these folks into better accommodations.
 

The ACLU has, as of July '99, called on Florida's governor to halt all executions until the state can ensure they are conducted humanely. The catalyst for this latest bit of hand-wringing is the execution of Allen Lee Davis (why do these killers always have the obligatory three names, with one of them invariably Lee or Billy or Bob?). After the 344-pound murderer was zapped in Florida's new electric chair (the successor to "Old Sparky," which set one guy on fire), blood came from his nose and mouth. His lawyers had tried to stop the execution based on their claim that the new chair didn't have enough voltage to kill the fat boy quickly and painlessly. Of course, he probably went less painfully than his victims: a pregnant woman and her 5- and 9-year-old daughters, killed during a 1982 robbery. Hell, if there wasn't enough voltage to do it painlessly, they should have dialed it down a couple notches, so it would take a good five minutes.
 

Here's another stupid case the ACLU has picked up: not terribly brilliant computer programmer Timothy Boomer fell out of his canoe near Standish, Michigan, and started screaming obscenities, mostly littering his diatribe with the F word. A mom and her two small children were paddling by, and a cop was handy. Boomer was arrested under a 100+ year old statute banning cussing in front of women and children. A jury found him guilty (he's appealing). The ACLU says this could have a chilling effect on free speech. Huh? People can express necessary ideas with foul language, in front of kids? It's the same lame crap Larry Flynt has been pulling all these years, to justify selling trash.  Anyway, Boomer is appealing his sentence, as of August '99, which came to some community service, and either a $75 fine or three days in jail.  He at least says he's cleaned up his language, and that people always point him out as the "cursing canoeist."  Good.

Gay, drunk, stupid .... hell, just smack me

February 2007: Snickers put out a halfway funny Super Bowl ad (in a year with really, really lame commercials) that showed two men accidentally kissing while sharing a Snickers bar. It was not in any way insulting. It was in fact kinda funny. A couple of gay friends even mentioned it. But after massive whining by a variety of gay advocate groups, Snickers had to kill the ad. 

May 2000: Dr. John Hensala took $70,000 worth of federally-paid-for medical education in return for four years of service in the air force. Got his degree, then it was time to serve. Right? Not exactly. After getting the degree, followed by a three year residency at Yale and a two year fellowship in child psychiatry, he'd served only 20 weeks active duty.  The Air Force said, time to serve.  Instead, he hired a lawyer. A week later, he informed the service he was gay. Okay, the Air Force said, and they gave him an honorable discharge as part of "Don't ask, don't tell."  Then they asked him to pay back their expenses for educating him. He claims that they'd fired him, and therefore had no right to expect reimbursement for his education. He told them he didn't realize he was gay until recently. But he apparently told members of his family as far back as 1988 he was gay, but didn't bother telling the military until it was time to serve.  Time to pay up, doc.

Ed and I were at a corporate training soiree on the east coast in 1998, and throughout the week, several dimwits from our organization got embarrassingly drunk. One night in the bar, security cut off several of our group. One of our raging queens and one of the gals argued loudly and drunkenly with the security guy, saying we'd spent a lot of money at their hotel, and they had no right to cut us off, blah blah blah. It was the wrong argument for the wrong principle. Ed and I suggested they give it a rest, but they persisted.

This particular guy liked to advertise his preferences, with muscle shirts, short-shorts, blatant come-ons to other males, and lots of gold chains. It was rather annoying. I'm straight, but I don't have tattoos, or spend my time grunting and spitting, scratching my balls, or crushing beer cans on my head.
 

Speaking of whiny gay folk, in Toronto during the summer of '99, the hot topic was the raids on several gay hangouts, including the Bijou, a "porno bar" where gay guys go in to have a beer and fiddle with each other in the corners.  They readily admit that's what they do.  The cops don't like it, apparently.  The gay community also is unhappy about the re-landscaping of several parks, to take away the "private" areas behind bushes and trees where The Guys like to hang out and have sex in public.  They say this move specifically targets them, and launched a poster campaign against the responsible city councilman, claiming he "is against sex in public."  He readily admits, YES HE IS. The gay publications in town, notably XTra, speak of sex in the parks as a given right.  The same parks where little kids and dog-walkers hang out is also supposed to be their personal bedroom.  Don't these people have apartments or houses?  Nobody cares (or at least, nobody SHOULD care) what they do THERE.  As the old saying goes, get a room.

Are gay folks messing up your life? NO. So shut up already.
 

George W. Bush and his right-wing cronies have their Underoos all in a wad over gay people. They talk about gay marriage like it's going to wreck the planet. Welllllllll, it ain't. HERE IT IS ..... PAY ATTENTION ..... HERE IS THE CORRECT OPINION ABOUT GAY PEOPLE.

Gay people are BORN, not made.  I know all sorts of gay people, men and women. The one funny guy in grammar school, the one everybody knew was different, sure enough grew up to be gay. A dancer, in fact. And when I've asked several of my gay acquaintances and friends when they knew they were different, they all have said the same thing: they knew when they were very, very young. In other words, before they knew what gay was. Before they'd ever met another gay person. They knew they were different when they had no gay influences, nothing but heteros all about them, before there was any way possible for them to be influenced by outside sources. 

So how did they end up that way, if they weren't influenced from the outside? Because that's the way God made them. They got an extra dose of some hormone, or not enough of another one. Their wiring is different. That simple.

CAN THEY BE FIXED?  OF COURSE NOT.

I'm as straight as the day is long. I was BORN that way. I looooooooove women. Adore them. Lust after them. And if somebody came to me and said, "The way you are, the way you are wired, the way your chemicals line up to make you lust after the opposite sex, is all wrong. You are sinful, you need therapy, you need to get rewired," I would tell that person to get f_____d. I'm not about to change the way I feel, and probably couldn't even if I wanted to. So how should we expect gay people to be able to change? It's an absurd notion.

IS GAY MARRIAGE A THREAT TO OUR WAY OF LIVING?  HELL NO.

Gay people have been living together as husand and husband or wife and wife since forever. Since ancient times. No shit. And somehow civilization has survived. They're not butt-blasting on your back porch, are they? Doing the nasty on your front lawn? Corrupting your children? There's a slew of child kidnappings, molestations, and murders in the news, winter-spring of 2005. All these scumbags, who should get righteously hanged, are all straight.

The guy who gave us the modern bible, King James, was gay, by the way. Fruity as a basket of bananas.

SHOULD WE CHANGE THE CONSTITUTION TO BAN GAY MARRIAGE?

Don't even THINK of changing the Constitution, especially not to humor the minority of right-wing religious nutjobs who think they somehow own the White House. You want to fight a REAL threat? Have Bush renew the assault weapons ban he promised to extend, and then wimped out on with no balls at all. These weapons are faced every single day by law enforcement officials, so it's not a fake threat, like gay marriage. Pay attention to what matters.

Litigious lunkheads

May 2007: Josh Hancock, a pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals, got drunk and crashed his car into another car that was stalled on the side of the road. He died. His father filed a lawsuit against the owner of the stalled car, the two truck operator who was trying to tow that car, and the restaurant that served his kid drinks. So he's saying that the restaurant is liable for making his kid drink, so THAT must be the issue, but somehow the guy with the stalled car is at fault, so THAT must be the issue. Well, which is it? The correct opinion is, that while it's all very sad, his own son was at fault. You pour your own booze into your own mouth. Nobody does that TO you.

January 2007: Richard J. Hewett, 49, is suing Donald Trump because, as he claims, he was rejected for "The Apprentice," Trump's dipshit show, for being too old. He points out that only a couple of contestants have ever been older than 40, and he says "it's in everyone's interest to expand the diversity of the show." Actually, it's in nobody's interest. It's television, it's not real life. It doesn't teach anybody any useful lessons. It's an excuse for the guy with the bad hair and daddy's money to say "you're fired." Hewett isn't doing a public service. Nobody gives a rat's ass. Maybe Hewett is ugly, who knows. It's TELEVISION. 

June 2006: A 14-year-old girl met a guy online, on MySpace.COM. And whaddaya know? He wasn't what he said he was. He claimed to be a senior on a football team, and she gave this guy her PHONE NUMBER. Over the INTERNET. She claims the guy raped her. So she (and her mother and lawyer) blame MySpace, and are suing them for $30 million, saying the internet company has no protections for its underage users. 

Hey, dummies! MySpace, like every other internet company, has no way of validating the age, gender, or INTENT of any of their users. Can't be done. If you meet a guy in a train station, and it turns out he's NOT a nice guy, you don't sue the goddamn railroad. How stupid can you be for giving out your contact info to a complete stranger on the Net?
 

2003: A bunch of partygoers in Chicago were having a good ol' time on one of those wooden back porches a few floors up at an apartment building, when the porch collapsed and there were numerous deaths and injuries. Lawsuits immediately went out against the building owner and the builder of the porch. The city of Chicago alleged that at least a couple of people were jumping up and down on the porch, contributing to the collapse. These guys have sued the city in return. The correct opinion? While there is a dispute about the jumping up and down, what is known is that the hosts of the party, including one of the dead guys, allowed over one hundred people on that porch at one time. ONE HUNDRED PEOPLE. I don't care how sturdy the porch was or wasn't. How many tons of flesh was that? More than you should put on a porch at one time, ANY porch.
 

April 2001:  Sam Pappas, a lawyer from Arlington Heights IL, has filed a complaint saying that a Chicago club discriminates against men by hosting ladies' nights, in which females pay a significantly smaller cover charge than men.  He says he feels he was a victim of sex discrimination.  This one is almost too easy.
   Face it, you knucklehead, the idea is to attract more women into the place because that in turn attracts more men in to the place. The guys get more booty to look at, the women get a break on the price, the club gets more bodies in the joint.  Not too hard to figure out.  But you're a lawyer, and lawyers file ridiculous suits.  Guys follow women, lawyers file ridicuous complaints.  It's the way the universe works, right?
 

October 2000: A San Jose jury found that Clint Eastwood did not have to pay damages to a wheelchair-bound woman who complained that his Mission Ranch near Carmel wasn't more handicapped-friendly.  She said that the only wheelchair-accessible bathroom was in a different building from the restaurant, and that handicapped rooms went for more than the regular rooms. Two points to make: this is stuff you ask before you make reservations (I have kids and therefore ask ahead all the time), and you should ask somebody to address your issues before you sue them.  Eastwood was told to add signs pointing to the handicap bathroom, and provide a ramp to the hotel office, but not to pay the woman for whining.
 

December '99, Patricia Duff lost in her efforts to get out of her ex-husband, billionaire Ron Perelman, $132,000 a month in child support. Instead, he'll pay $12,825 a month.  The judge wrote, "The mother's argument assumes that only material things matter in the life of a child, and that if [ the daughter ] is denied any imaginable luxury, she will be emotionally damaged ... this assumption is rubbish.  There are far more important things in the life of a young child than private jets, yachts, obsequious staffs and pandering guests."  Duff commented later, "This has never been about money.  It's just, you know, that I want what's best for my child."
 

April '99, Gregory Palma broke into the downstairs apartment of the young woman in his duplex in Downers Grove, Illinois.  She called police, and when they arrived, they found Palma had retreated to his own upstairs pad.  He informed them at the time that he was armed. There's an auspicious start.  He also informed them that he had a bomb strapped to his body.  This later turned out to be false, but hell, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.  After much negotiation, Palma agreed to come out a certain door in a certain manner.  Instead, he came out a different door, carrying a sawed-off double-barrelled shotgun.  Palma was shot to death, an unfortunate but entirely reasonable outcome, given his strange and belligerent behavior.  Now his family is suing Downers Grove for $5 million, saying the police violated Palma's civil rights and caused his wrongful death.  Hmmm.  I'd say that Palma caused his own wrongful death.  This one reminds me of the clowns who tried holding up a bank in L.A. a couple of years ago, wearing body armor and carrying incredible amounts of automatic weapons.  They held off police for hours, before finally being gunned down.  They injured scores of people.  After the ringleader had been brought down, police were at first reluctant to pull all the armor off him, thinking he might be booby-trapped.  He bled to death as police stood over him.  His mother also sued, saying the police denied him prompt medical attention.  Seems to me, you spray a large area containing a whole lotta innocent civilians with bullets, you get last dibs on a doctor.
 

Smoke your brains out

It pleases me to say that Clint Eastwood agrees with me on this one: people who have smoked all their lives have gotten what they deserve.  The tobacco companies are evil, there is no doubt of that.  They have misled the public and suppressed eveidence of the dangers of smoking for decades.  But it's been a foregone conclusion also for decades that smoking can KILL YOU.  And yet a whole lotta numbskulls have gone right on smoking.   And of course now a lot of them are suing.   The idea that they were naively led along by the misinformation of RJ Reynolds and others is utter nonsense.  They knew they were inhaling poison.   Their families knew it too.   Again, this is just arrogant, selfish idiots, giving into their own weaknesses, then wanting others to pay for their stupidity.
 

A lawsuit with no bite

April '99, some moron who doesn't wish to be identified is suing several toothbrush manufacturers, as well as the American Dental Association (which puts its seal on many toothbrushes) for producing toothbrushes which this fool has apparently used to injure himself. Supposedly he suffers from abrasions of the teeth and gums, from brushing. It is my correct opinion that he suffers from abrasions of the frontal lobe. Can't we just pull all his teeth, maybe?

Sean McGrath, 33, rented a car from Dollar Rent-A-Car in Orlando, Florida, got drunk, and got in an accident, killing his girlfriend. He's charged with drunk-driving manslaughter and other charges. The girlfriend's family's lawyer, John Stemberger, filed a lawsuit in March against Dollar, claiming they should have known McGrath was prone to drink because he's Irish.

Because of a flood of irate calls, Stemberger has apologized, saying "I recognize the mistake." Well, of course. The mistake was in giving you a diploma. Was that the Acme School of Law and Lawn Care, perhaps?

It was a shame when the very talented Jerome Brown died in a car wreck. He was a super defensive player with the Philadelphia Eagles, and supposedly a nice guy. One time he interrupted a KKK rally with a boom box. But back in '92, he smashed up his vehicle, killing himself and his 11-year-old nephew. He was going the wrong way on a one-way street, he was speeding massively, apparently didn't deploy his brakes, and wasn't wearing a seat belt. June '99, a judge threw out his family's $30 million lawsiut which claimed an improper airbag deployment caused the crash. And this was a very good decision.  Brown more than goofed. That's just the way it is. It's just a double shame that he took somebody with him.

Lisa Appleby of Chicago is suing the organizers of the Mrs. Illinois pageant. Seems Appleby is only runner-up, and she seeks an injunction requiring the organizers to declare her the winner, saying that according to her interpretation of the rules, the actual winner is ineligible. It looks like Appleby probably won't get Mrs. Congeniality.

Just days after the crash of an American Airlines jet in Little Rock, Arkansas, the first lawsuit has naturally erupted. It claims negligence on the part of the airline and the pilot. Safety and airline officials can't decide, from day to day, if the pilot was at fault in any fashion, if he'd failed to set the spoilers on the wings, if the runway was too slippery, if the airport was ill-equipped with older radar and improper runway surface and inadequate emergency procedures and hard-cased light towers, if weather indicators were inefficient, if the pilots had been flying past the point of fatigue, ETC. But the authors of this lawsuit don't care about the facts. They've already reached their own conclusions and have stated a desire for MONEY.

May '99, Robert and Alicia Olson of Barrington Hills, Illinois have filed suit against McHenry County, the village of Barrington Hills, and the owners of the house they lease, because the house was struck by lightning. These unbelievable fools claim that local and county officials should have known that lightning is a threat to homes in the area, and therefore should require lightning rods or other such equipment to be installed on area homes. The Olsons are looking for one million from each of the named parties. Mark Twain once wrote, everybody complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. And these clowns are taking that seriously. Hey, folks, the government also should be aware that one day you'll die from old age, and dammit, they oughta do something about it.

September '99 update : the lawsuit has been thrown out, and the village attorney for Barrington Hills called it "frivolous."  Sometimes the system really does work.
 

For 26 years, The Carousel, a lounge in Lemont IL, has sponsored two little league teams. This means they put out a couple hundred dollars each year to pay for jerseys, which of course had the name The Carousel on the back. It's a time-honored tradition, of course, a nice way to pitch in to the community, and just about every bar in MY  town has a picture on the wall of the local teams they support. The Carousel apparently is owned by someone who's a sucker for little kids. Or is it something more  insidiously evil? 

 This year, 14-year-old Krystle Newquist threatened a lawsuit, saying that she couldn't play on a team with the name of a bar on the back, because her grandpa died of cirrhosis of the liver. Figuring wisely that the matter wasn't worth fighting in court, The Carousel decided not to sponsor a team, after a quarter of a century. 

 I would like to roundly praise this little girl and her right-minded parents. If I had played on a little league team with the name of a saloon on the backs of their jerseys, I would now be facedown in a puddle of my own vomit. You know how impressionable these young ballplayers are. Who knows how many fair-haired children have been driven to drink because of the lure of a saloon logo on the back of a grass-stained shirt? 

 So now the evil-minded people at The Carousel no longer have a forum through which to lure prepubescents into a life of debauchery, and another generation is being shown by its all-knowing parents that frivolous litigation is the answer to all problems. 

In March '99, an Amtrak train went off the rails on a Monday night. By Wednesday, the first lawsuit had been filed already. A couple from New Orleans demanded $300,000 for "serious and permanent injuries." Well now, that begs two points: first, after less than two full days' time, how do they know their injuries are permanent? And second, if their injuries truly WERE that bad, they'd be asking for more than 300K. Some people just go screaming to a lawyer the first time they smell money.

Fifty-two-year-old Arnold Jackson of Louisiana dropped his .25-caliber pistol back in 1992. The gun discharged, shooting Jackson in the neck and paralyzing him. A New Orleans judge has now awarded him almost $11 million. To collect, Jackson will have to sue the Italian gunmaker over in Italy. Lump this guy in with the McDonalds coffee lady.

Neo-Nazis and other unemployed simpletons

Years ago, a loser named Frank who worked as an orderly at St. Francis Hospital in Blue Island IL gained some temporary notoriety for heading up a small band of Nazis. He spoke out of the back of a truck near my hometown. I went with some friends to toss eggs at him. He was later tossed in jail for child molestation. This is my most indelible image of race-baiters:  child molesters with crappy jobs.

The fact is, these guys don't start out believing this crap. It's only when they've failed at everything else in life that they take up the whole goose-stepping gig. You'll never meet a White Power goon who's really accomplished anything in life except a yellow sheet.

Despite the mounds of evidence, these numbnuts deny the Holocaust ever happened. The physical evidence, the testimony of the survivors AND the perpetrators, the films and photos taken by the villains themselves, none of this dents the empty skulls of the new Nazis.

They complain that white people of European descent are getting screwed.  The fact is, a lot of us are doing well.  It's because we work hard, and don't waste as much time complaining.