You deserve a big fat spanky Some people do things that are sooooooo nasty, they deserve a good swat before getting shuttled to a cell.

I just can't believe some of the stuff that people do for greed, lust, opportunism, or whatever other demons that they can control but choose NOT to. Here's a few.

April 2007: So the Duke lacrosse players have been exonerated of having raped one of two strippers they hired for a party. Good for them. You don't want innocent people getting nailed for stuff they haven't done. But what made the original allegations so easy to believe in the first place? Maybe it's the fact that these athletes are scumbags to begin with. 

Fifteen of the forty-seven guys on the team had been arrested for alcohol-related incidents. Player Ryan McFadden wrote an email on the night of the alleged rape explaining his desire to invite some strippers to the frat house, so he could kill them and skin them. He also kept a poster in his house discussing a pretty revolting sexual practice. Not illegal, but it lets you know how his brain is wired.

Lacrosse is a sport for rich white kids. It's often populated by spoiled brats, which explains why so many incidents have occurred over the years involving guys who play a sport nobody in their right mind wants to watch. 

Even their own university had no problem believing the allegations. Duke canceled  its season and dumped the coach. Previously, a school commission investigated team problems, saying that there were too many alcohol-related problems, and no senior leadership. They disturbed their neighbors with noise and booze, both on-campus and off, they were caught publicly urinating all over the place, and destroyed property. Between 2000 and 2006, team members were caught stealing things, attempting to steal things, possessing
fireworks, possessing marijuana, failed to comply with legal orders, failed to show up for legal proceedings, started fires, broke into other students' rooms, and a few other cute things.

How did this latest trouble begin? Easy. They invited strippers to their house. These  choirboys invited trouble into their midst. They had a lotta booze handy, some of which they shared with underage team members. As the women drove away, a neighbor reported hearing one of the players yell, "Hey, bitch, thank your grandpa for my nice cotton shirt."

Now there are columnists lining up to ask the New York Times and others how the boys will get their reputations back. Seems they'd already mucked up those reputations long ago. 

Sicko Mormon polygamist scumbag Warren Jeffs, a coward who ran around with a disguise kit to avoid being captured by police who wanted to throw his pedophile ass in jail, was finally nabbed and put on trial in Utah for arranging marriages between equally sick scumbags and underage girls. He would put pressure on extremely young females, also leveraging relatives of the girls, in order to get them hitched up with child molesters who hung out in his "religious sect." The particular case that got him finally screwed was arranging a marriage between a 14-year-old girl and her FIRST COUSIN.

What these incestuous polygamist child molesters don't want to admit, because it would deny them a supply of young meat, is that Joseph Smith, the fraud-committing nutjob who founded their religion based on invisible gold tablets and a magic hat, started the whole polygamy thing so that he could indulge his taste for women outside of wedlock. The mainstream Mormon church, which still believes a lotta wacky shit (much like my own Catholic faith does), gave up officially on polygamy long ago, since it was going to get them nuked, plus it's just plain non-Christian (going completely against the word of Jesus) and screwed up.

But polygamists, who have often fled the country just so they could keep on nailing child brides, don't care about logic. They only care about being child molesters. THIS is the correct opinion.

A higher education is no guarantee that you won't be a total f**k-up. University of Arizona psych teacher Deborah Frisch got into a blogging argument about foreign policy. She ended up making comments about her online adversary's two-year-old son, writing, If osmeone shot you and your 'tyke' it wouldn't slow me down one iota.  She also wrote that she hoped "no one Jon-Benets" the kid, and even threw in some weird sexual comments as well. She ended up having to resign as well as apologize. But how the hell does a supposed adult get that retarded?

A while back, the dumbshit emeritus was University of Colorado's Ward Churchill, who for some bizarro reason attacked the people who died in the World Trade Center, calling them “Little Eichmanns.” No, Ward, they weren't little Eichmans. You're just a big asshole.

Hey baby, wanna get fair & balanced? Bill O'Reilly, that arrogant, smug protector of American values on Fox "News," settled with a former female producer out of court, after she accused him of subjecting her to all sorts of wacky phone sex. According to her lawsuit, which she filed after he accused her in return of a "shakedown," he talked about, among other things, vibrators, threesomes, masturbation, the loss of his virginity, and an amusing variety of his sexual fantasies.  Check here for voluminous details on how O'Reilly fits in with a bunch of other right-wing sock puppets, including how he must have flunked Sunday School. And check here for the Fox "News" bias patrol.

UnUn-American, non-Christian, unfair,  and unbalanced.

"Don't answer that, it might be O'Reilly"

This is the goofball who wrote a book called "Culture Warrior" in which he claims to be protecting America's values. I didn't know all of us valued PHONE SEX.  The extreme details of his accuser's filing indicate that she likely recorded at least some of these conversations, which is probably why he was so quick to settle the matter. This flaming hypocrite has railed about the sexual content of pop culture, and in an amazing bit of bad timing, was about to publish a children's book at the time of the lawsuit. He also complains chronically that the country is getting away from "its Judeo-Christian values." Such as phone sex, I guess.  For a bunch of great jokes about O'Reilly's phone foibles, check out http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbilloreillyjokes.htm
 
 

"And whatever you do, don't sit on Uncle Bill's lap"

In January 2007, a scumbag pedophile and kidnapper was arrested after snatching two boys, one of whom he kept for years. Despite knowing nothing at all about the guy or the kids, Bill O'Reilly the phone sex fiend said, "The situation here for this kid looks to me to be a lot more fun that what he had under his old parents. He didn't have to go to school. He could run around do what he wanted." And then it turns out that the guy keeping him was raping him regularly. Oh, sure, I bet that was LOTS of fun. But O'Reilly has never let ignorance of a subject prevent him from commenting. O'Reilly is a vicious scumbag. And even after making this idiotic statement, O'Reilly still accepted an invitation from an obviously clueless Florida chapter of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children to speak at their gathering in Naples FL. But then he got canceled from the engagement, after many, many complaints about his idiotic comments. And one more note about Naples .... I've been there many times, because I have relatives there. The newspaper is as conservative as it gets, but O'Reilly calls them a "left wing cabal."  Any time somebody disagrees with him, he labels them liberal, evil, conspiratorial.

A few weeks later, after getting hammered for his idiotic comments, O'Reilly changed his story. Suddenly he's an avenging angel, and even looked up the name of a new syndrome to apply to the case. He appeared on Oprah. In other words, he's trying to cover his tracks. What a hypocritical asshole.
 
 

Boys will be boys, and sometimes  they'll be massive scumbags

For a bigger mugshot of Adrian Missbrenner, go here.

On December 7th, 2002, at a party in Burr Ridge IL, a girl passed out from drinking, and various "boys" at the party took the liberty of drawing insults on her body, spitting on her, placing a condom on her face, having sex with her, even forcing oral sex on her, while she was incoherent. Oh, and they videotaped the whole thing.

Joshua Kott of Countryside IL, the prosecution's first witness, testified that he participated in drawing on and spitting on the victim, but didn't perform sex acts on her. He pleaded guilty to battery, did 30 days in a work program, and got 2 years probation. Lucky him.

Then there's the rest of the scumbags, Adrian Missbrenner, Burim Bezeri, Christopher Robbins and Sonny Smith.

Smith worked the camera and coached the rest of them on, while Missbrenner and Bezeri raped the girl. Robbins had her perform oral sex. One of them also inserted a cigarette into her and lit it, while the rest of them laughed. The assault took place at 8335 County Line Rd, Burr Ridge IL, Missbrenner's home.

The judge issued arrest warrants for Missbrenner and Bezeri when they skipped a hearing, then fled the country. He revoked their bonds. The parents act like they know nothing about it, but that's likely utter bullshit.
 

Christopher Robbins, 20, of Brookfield IL, was found not guilty of sexual assault in a case where a young girl was incoherent from drinking, then Robbins and several other young men made use of her body, drew crude insults on her, spat on her, and even placed a condom on her face, while videotaping the whole sordid affair. Two of his cohorts fled the country to avoid prosecution. 

The mother of one of those who fled says of her cowardly son and his friends, "I have a good feeling about these kids." I can't imagine why.

Robbins  was laughing on the videotape, and stuck his wang in her face. Now he says he wants to join the Illinois National Guard.

His mom, Cynthia Robbins, said she "always believed (her son) was innocent."  Innocent of  WHAT? Whatever he is, Cynthia, it's not innocent.

Defense attorney Robert Kuzas said "There just wasn't the evidence to prove that Christopher Robbins did anything wrong at all," Kuzas added. "During my argument, I told them that this was not an assault -- this was an insult."

Didn't do anything wrong? An insult? No, your pandering mouthpiece statements are an insult.

June-September 2005 update: Adrian Missbrenner surrendered to the FBI in Belgrade, Serbia, and was been nailed with violating bond. He could have done a few years just for jumping bail, but got off with only three years' probation.  He could still do 6-to-30 on the sexual assault charge, and he's being held without bond until he faces the original charges.

March 2006 update: Unbelievably enough, Missbrenner was found not guilty. Between prosecutors and the family of the victim, they blew a plea bargain that Missbrenner was ready to accept, giving him jail time. After getting out of jail, Missbrenner was still f___d up in the head enough to say that he suffered more than the girl he and his buddies got drunk, had sex with while she was out of it, wrote dirty words on, and videotaped being humiliated. This guy is a complete and utter tool.
 

What's the moral here? It doesn't matter if they weren't technically guilty of sexual assault. The parents seem to be oblivious to their children's massive shotcomings as human beings. Which means that the parents failed miserably at being parents, if these are the choices their kids make.

And the "boys" are all still guilty of being the kinds of people you don't want anywhere near your family, and certainly not in the National Guard. Imagine sending somebody of Robbins' ilk over to Iraq, to represent our country. Hopefully these "boys" and their families will take the time to reflect on where they went wrong in life, so the rest of us won't suffer any of their relapses. And maybe somebody will slap some sense into them.

December 2006 update: Bezeri finally surrendered to Albanian authorities, and his ass was shipped back to the USA.  Hopefully at least ONE of these assholes will finally face justice.

Scam artists give Wendy's the finger
 
 

Anna Ayala claims she went to Wendy's and found a human finger in her chili. She was shocked and dismayed, of course, and hinted that she would (naturally) sue for damages. But Wendy's had their doubts, offered a reward for any info on where the finger could have come from, and Ayala, under intense scrutiny, suddenly dropped all actions, which pretty much signalled that this was a scam to begin with.  Sure enough, she was arrested in April 2005, on multiple charges. She has sued other companies, including General Motors and a former employer. She claimed she got $30,000 from the chain El Pollo Loco, saying their food sickened her kid, but the chain denies it ever gave her cash.  She was also wanted for allegedly selling a motor home she didn't own, cheating a guy out of $11,000.

In the meantime, the news from the chili mess caused a massive drop-off in Wendy's business, resulting in big losses, layoffs, and even store closures. She cost people their jobs. She needs to be put on a chain gang the rest of her life to pay those people back. She's 

After a few weeks, they finally traced the finger to an associate of Ayala's husband, Jaime Plascencia, who'd lost the digit in an industrial accident. The husband was arrested in Nevada, but was scheduled to be extradited to San Jose, charged with identity theft, fraudulent use of official documents, failure to pay child support and child abandonment in a case involving his children.

According to the mother of the guy who really did lose the finger, he gae Plascencia the digit to settle a $50 debt. "Here's my finger. We're even."  You gotta be freakin' kidding me.

September 2005 update: both these idiots pleaded guilty to a variety of charges, and in January 2006, she got nine years, and he got twelve.

Potential litigant takes the finger

Clarence Stower went to a Kohl's Frozen Custard in Wilmington, North Carolina and found a real human finger in his custard. It had just ended up in the product when an employee had an unfortunate accident. While it's obviously not a good thing that they didn't shut down and look for the finger after the accident, their was no bad intent n their part.

Once it was ascertained that Clower had the finger, he was asked for it back, so that they could take it to the hospital, along with the unlucky employee, and reattach the finger. Instead, he rinsed it off, took it home, and put it in his freezer, only taking it out to show reporters. And that point, reattaching it was a moot point.  No local lawyers will take his case, which he's clearly stated he will press forward with. He wants to CASH IN. He's getting no sympathy from people who think he should have given the finger back. Had he done so, it would not have hurt his case. But now he's screwed himself with his greed. He'll probably find a lawyer ..... there are a lot of greedy bastards out there ..... but none of them in Wilmington.

A couple of weeks or so after the incident, Clower finally offered to return the finger, for reattachment he said, but it was too late after just a few hours had passed, and definitely after he'd kept it in his friggin' freezer.
 

Does America have to claim this guy?

Charles Graner is the guy at the center of the Abu Graib prison mess in Iraq, in which Iraqi prisoners were made to form human pyramids, simulate sex acts, pose naked, get smeared with all manner of disgusting things, and get their lights punched out while bound. Graner not only performed many of these actions, he pulled other soldiers into them as well. He claims that he was made to do these things by military intelligence, but from all indications, he was a willing participant. 

His ex-wife, who says Graner was a sexual deviant and total wacko (she once awoke to find him holding a knife to her throat), regularly emailed their children from Iraq, attaching photos of the atrocities he was committing, and saying in his mails, "This is what Daddy gets to do." She never showed her children this correspondence. 

While in Iraq, he knocked up Lyndie England, who ended up in some of the more notorious pictures, including pointing at the private bits of naked prisoners, and holding one on a leash. His unpredictable testimony in HER trial, after he'd already been given ten years, resulted in a mistrial, and her having to start all over again. He also ended up marrying another woman he was doing over in Iraq. I presume he'll have nothing to do with the kid he had with England. What a piece of work. His own kids think he didn't get enough prison time.

England's obviously no saint herself. Her lawyer said she was oxygen-deprived as a child, learned to read late in life, etc. Whenever people get caught doing something nasty, they quickly portray themselves as the Victim. "I was abused, I was stupid, Mom was an alcoholic." Yeah, but you still had choices to make, and you made the wrong ones.
 

Lazy AND sleazy

John Lockwood of Texas has set up a website for his company, Live-Shot, so people too lazy to traipse through the woods can still kill stuff. Over the web, you can shoot animals that stumble past a gun mounted with a web-cam. Even the completely evil NRA is against this baloney.

Don't worry, their kids will turn out just fine

Clayton Daniels pleaded guilty to sexual assault, but the idiot didn’t bother reporting to his probation officer, so he got 30 days. His idiot girlfriend Molly, to keep her idiot boyfriend out of jail, dug up an old lady’s body, stuffed it in a car, faked a car crash, and used lighter fluid to burn the body beyond recognition. By faking Clayton’s death, she hoped to keep him out of jail AND collect $110,000 in life insurance. She forged documents to get him a new identity, and even introduced him to THEIR KIDS as her new boyfriend. Apparently he dyed his hair. Oh yeah, that’ll fool everybody. Well, the DNA on the dead body didn’t match DNA form Daniels’ mother, and THEY DIDN’T BOTHER MOVING. They stayed in the same house. She’s now doing 20 years for insurance fraud and hindering apprehension, and he’s looking at 20 years for arson, among other counts.

Just amazing. Dumb AND crooked AND disgusting. It takes a lot of effort to sink this low ont he evolutionary chart, but some people manage just fine.
 

Don't worry, son, just pretend it's ice cream

The lady who sent her kids to stay with Michael Jackson and then sued, claiming the singer had molested one of her kids, is either a bad scam artist (which in fact she truly is) or a complete moron. With all the crap that everybody knows, or at least suspects, about Jackson, how could you even THINK about letting your kids stay overnight at his wacky boy boudoir? 

In the summer of 2005, after Jackson weaseled out of a conviction for diddling this latest kid, the accusing mom was accused of welfare fraud, for collecting almost $19,000 in welfare while failing to disclose that she'd gotten $150,000 in a  lawsuit settlement from JC Penney's. 

In the Penney's case, the mom had been accosted by store guards, who accused her of shoplifting. She later claimed the guards roughed her up, and howed off some bruises that a paralegal who represented her later said came from somebody else, possibly her husband. The paralegal also said that the mom had coached her kid on how to testify in the Penney's case. Even later, the mom added charges that the guards had groped her.

Large chunks of the money the mom coerced out of various celebrities, ostensibly for her cancer-ridden son, went for trips to the spa, and cosmetic surgery. 

So whether or not Jackson did what he did, mom is either a scumbag opportunist or an idiot. And if she'd never met Jackson, she was still a scam artist.

A good case for forced neutering

November 2005: Lorinda Hawkins of Osh Kosh WI got loaded, and then in a state of inebriation she tried breast-feeding her child. She passed out on top of her four-month-old daughter and suffocated her. Hawkins was already on probation for child neglect. How the f___ do people like this get to be parents? Intelligent Design, my ass.
 

The story of my life, sort of

January 2006, author James Frey, who appeared on Oprah to tout his autobiography "A Million Little Pieces," which details his drug and alcohol abuse, including run-ins with the law, car accidents, deaths, blah blah blah, turns out to be a lot of bullshit. It seems that Frey grossly exaggerated his own story. In fact, much of the book appears to be total fiction. His own publisher, a division of Random House, has even offered refunds to buyers, which is virtually unheard of.

A spokesperson for the publisher commented, "Recent accusations against him notwithstanding, the power of the overall reading experience is such that the book remains a deeply inspiring and redemptive story for millions of readers."

Wellllllllll, not exactly. If all the bad stuff never really happened, then where is the redemption? And inspiration comes from hearing about how somebody recovered from the bad stuff, which, in this case, never happened. The correct opinion is, this bonehead ought to give all the money back and disappear.
 

Shame? Is that with an S ?

Everybody knows this story. Joey Buttafuoco, car mechanic, had an affair with an underage girl, Amy Fisher, who subsequently shot his wife in the face, partially paralyzing her. Fisher became known as the "Long Island Lolita," about whom no less than three TV movies were made. She did seven years for the shooting, while Joey did a year for statutory rape. Since then he's done time for insurance fraud. 

All these many years later, Buttafuoco, who's made some cash here and there doing freak value appearances in shows and movies, is planning on a get-together with his now ex-wife, AND Fisher, so they can peddle their story to some network.

When I stage my benign fascist dictatorship, one of the first things I do, after the Burning of the Rap Singers, after the Lynching of t he Lawyers, and after the Greasing of the Cheerleaders, is put in a deep, dark hole anybody trying to make money off their own stupidity.

Scumbag in Charge

Former Illinois governor George Ryan was always a lousy candidate. Previous governor Jim Edgar, a pretty good guy (even for a Republican), had been the Secretary of State. Since his reign had been a good one, Illinois then elected the next Secretary of State, George Ryan, to the big job. He stunk. He had a decent initiative on gun control, but his term was rocked by one scandal after another, the worst being the selling of drivers' licenses to unqualified drivers, including non-residents. One of these clowns ended up with an illegit truck driving license, and an unsecured load he was hauling fell off his truck, puncturing the gas tank of a family van, killing all six kids aboard. 

Ryan had allowed this to go on while he was Secretray of State, and beyond. In addition, he had found all manner of ways to enrich himself, his friends, and his family members, using the governor's office. 

On his way out the door, facing no chance of re-election, and also likely facing charges, he tried to rewrite his legacy. This he did by commuting every sitting death sentence in the state, including those for the most heinous, unbelievably horrible crimes. He even spoke with survivors of murder victims, assuring them that he would do the right thing, then DIDN'T. For the sake of trying feebly to salvage his wrecked reputation, he screwed a whole lotta people out of justice for their loved ones.

Ryan is most likely going to be convicted of huge amounts of graft. This will be some measure of justice.