Miscellaneous Morons With Guns
 

Maybe mama can sew up the hole in those pants

October 2007, a moron who works in an insurance office in Fort Worth came to work, tossed his jacket over the back of his chair, and then the .45-caliber handgun in jis jacket pocket went off. The bullet went through both his legs, a bookcase, then ended up in the wall of a cubicle. WTF was this jackass doing with a loaded gun in the workplace? Authorities were going to wait until he got out of the hospital to decide if they would press charges. 

They certainly OUGHT to. If I was sitting next to this asshole and a bullet came anywhere near ME, he's end up in the hospital a second time.
 
 

The answer to gun crimes is simple: MORE GUNS

April 2007: The gun nuts are soooooo predictable. Michelle Gustavson, writing to the Chicago Tribune immediately following the tragedy at Virginia Tech, said that if only a trained student with a gun had been handy, the shooter might have been taken down with minimal deaths. Yeah, and maybe that trained student would have started a larger gun battle. If that trained student wasn't a marksman (because there's a difference between knowing how to use a gun and being able to pick someone off from a distance), then that trained student would have had to get nice and close to the killer. Gustavson went on to say that guns shouldn't be illegal on campuses. Hmmm. Wasn't that the problem in the FIRST place?

Even Newt Gingrich, that stupid fat adulterer, said that concealed carry on campus would have stopped the nutjob at VA Tech. That's right, give college students full of beer and hormones the right to pocket some small arms. Yeah, that's right. Dickhead. Right behind him is Tom DeLay, the master of scandal, who also supports arming students.

Every time there's a school shooting, the idiot gun nut assholes come out and say "We need everybody armed. Don't worry, everybody with guns will react properly and take care of the incident without collateral damage." If there's an issue with guns, throw more guns at it.
 

Johnny can't read, but he can blow your head off

October 2006: ONLY GUN-NUTS THINK THAT THE ANSWER TO GUN VIOLENCE IS MORE GUNS. And so complete f_____g idiot Frank Lasee, a Republican (of course) state rep from Wisconsin, says that teachers, principals, administrators, and other school personnel should be armed, to keep nuts out of schools. 

Better yet, how about giving Wisconsin voters brains, so they won't elect retards like Lasee?
 
 
 

I'll be right back, Ma, just goin' out for bullets

July 2006: Chavis Thompson of Chicago, 20, shot himself in the groin while trying to put a gun in the waistband of his pants at 1 am. He later died at the hospital. So what was he doing sticking a gun in his pants at one in the morning? Is that where he kept it? Did he need it for protection? Was he going out squirrel-hunting? Obviously he wasn't a cop or a security guard. This is Darwin at work.
 

Hunter S. Thompson, Gonzo Dead Man

Thompson wrote a number of counter-culture books, and was always good for a snappy quote. His best book was probably Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, which I own and have read twice. He also wrote extensively on politics. But Thompson's favorite subject was, painfully enough, himself. It was always about him, which IMHO is a sin for a writer, much like using internet abbreviations. 

Thompson liked guns. He liked shooting shit up. He also liked explosions. He was fond of blowing shit up. Would-be macho shithead celebrities, such as the multi-talentless Don Johnson, liked hanging out with him. Much as I admire Johnny Depp's work, he was another goofball who hung out with Thompson. 

Arrogantly and stupidly enough, his final act of selfishness was to shoot himself in the head, while seated in his own kitchen. Way to leave a physical and emotional mess, right in one's own home. Suicide is always a crappy alternative to one's problems, but if you're going to do it, follow Vince Foster's example, and do it in your own car, far from home, so that your home doesn't become a constant reminder. "See, kids, this is the chair daddy was sitting in when he blew his freakin' brains out."

Depp paid to have Thompson's final wishes carried out. They constructed a giant cannon, and blew Thompson's remains out of it. What everybody got out of that, I'll never fathom. 
 

July 2002: Wal-Mart is doing something the feds should be doing : ordering its stores not to sell guns to a person until a background check is complete.  It may just be a way of avoiding a massive lawsuit the first time somebody's killed with one of their guns, but it's a good step anyway.  The NRA is probably pissed that one of its favorite retailers is doing this, but too f_____g bad.
 

January 2002: Idiots Abound

A judge in Ohio has struck down Ohio's concealed weapons ban.  If the state's appeal runs out, it will be legal for anybody at all to carry a gun in Ohio, concealed in their clothes or vehicle.  Holy shit, watch the murder rate go up on this one as every Bubba and their mom wants to show off their pistol.  What a nightmare that will be.

Meantime, John Ashcroft, our (God forbid) Attorney General, is still trying to warp the Second Amendment by saying that it allows for individual gun ownership.  No, it doesn't.  Not every redneck and gun-toting fool out there is part of a militia, which is what the Second allows for.

The Colorado legislature's House Majority Leader, Doug Dean, tried to pass a law easing limits on concealed weapons in that state just before the mess in Columbine.  January 2000, he's trying to defeat legislation that would place reasonable restrictions on gun ownership, to avoid the kind of ridiculous straw buying that took place in the Columbine case.  The move is being spearheaded by the father of one of the Columbine victims.  The response by the gun nuts there is the usual : Yes, yes, that was a terrible tragedy, but look here now, we want our toys.
 

The Littleton tragedy happened, coincidentally enough, just before the NRA was to have their convention in Denver. They ended up cutting it short, to one day. They said this was done in sympathy for the victims and their families. The fact is, they know they look like total schmucks, touting their teflon-coated lunacy in the wake of a tragedy which was possible because of the ready availability of guns, something they've promoted stupidly, thoughtlessly, shamelessly throughout their history.

Some moron from the Rocky Mountain Gun Owners Association commented that allowing teachers to carry concealed weapons would cut down on school violence. THIS was his answer to Littleton. THESE are the kinds of people we want to allow to sell guns to others?

Time Magazine also quoted Lisa Bochard, some redneck queen from Colorado, who said that armed teachers would have prevented the tragedy at the high school in her own state.
 
 

Concealed brain

A guy calling himself the Arkansas Theocrat has hisself wunna them there pages on which he discusses the merits of concealed weapons laws.  He also cites "evidence" of decreased crime in nations which allow concealed weapons.  Never mind that more people die in America in a week than in five years in the UK, where weapons are restricted.  Of course, this guy also dislikes the Theory of Evolution (which, in his part of the country, makes perfect sense).  His link, if you need a few chuckles, is http://soark.net/~eddiejoe/index.html

Eddie Joe.   Sorta like Billy Bob, I guess.
 

Fifty-two-year-old Arnold Jackson of Louisiana dropped his .25-caliber pistol back in 1992. The gun discharged, shooting Jackson in the neck and paralyzing him. A New Orleans judge has now awarded him almost $11 million. To collect, Jackson will have to sue the Italian gunmaker over in Italy. Lump this guy in with the McDonalds coffee lady.

Charlton Heston and Wayne LaPierre, 
            partners in evil and deception

One day, somebody's going to walk into the NRA's offices near 16th and K streets in DC and unload on its occupants with a MAC-9. Not that I'm advocating such a thing, of course.  But it's a matter of time before somebody who loses a loved one to gun violence is going to take it out on these clowns.

True Americans? BULLSHIT

May 2007: Wayne LaPierre and the NRA have urged GW Bush to dump a bill that would keep suspected terrorists from being able to buy guns, saying it "would allow arbitrary denial of Second Amendment rights based on mere suspicions of a terrorist threat." You'd think that in the wake of the Virginia Tech shootings, the NRA wouldn't raise its head in such a screwed-up manner. But leave it to Wayne and the boys to always put their precious toys ahead of the public good.
 

And ask questions later

Wayne LaPierre, evil f*cker that he is, supported a failed measure in New Mexico to "shoot first" in any kind of potentially dangerous dispute. In other words, if you've got a gun, you'd have the right to be officer, judge, jury, and executioner. Yes, yes, righteous common sense actually prevailed in this circumstance.
 

No loyalty at the firing range

February 2007: Jim Zumbo has been a writer and TV personality for many years, extolling the virtues of hunting and the NRA (of which he's been a member for FORTY YEARS). But on his blog for Outdoor Life, he said that he didn't see the need for assault weapons for hunting. This is the correct opinions. If you need an assault weapon to hunt, you really, really suck at hunting. Anyway, despite his decades of promoting the "sport" of hunting and the glories of the NRA, this one statement put him in dutch with GUN NUTS, including the NRA, who immediately attacked him. His TV show, blog, column, appearances, endoresements, EVERYTHING, all gone overnight. Even other outdoor writers and hunters have pointed to this situation as an example of how the NRA and its idiot minions are conditioned to foam at the mouth at the slightest perceived insult. Wayne LaPierre looks at Zumbo as an "example" of what can happen if people have any issue at all with their evil agenda.
 
 

LaPierre wants to rule the world

As he so often has in the past, NRA head scumbag Wayne LaPierre made up a problem and tackled that non-existent problem head-on, so as to look like the brave soldier for his witless members. The United Nations is holding a conference on stopping the flow of illegal small arms, because they often exacerbate global conflicts. Lots of cheap little guns end up in the hands of would-be mercenaries the world over. LaPierre claims the United Nations wants to take away gun ownership, worldwide. 

The NRA put a form letter on their web site, and forwarded 100,000 copies on behalf of various moron members to the conference chairman, a nice man from Sri Lanka. This idiotic letter tells the chairman "the American people will never let you take away the rights that our 4th of July holiday represents." The letter also says that the conference will take place ON July 4th, when in fact it does not. 

The conference has NOTHING TO DO WITH LEGAL, INDIVIDUAL GUN OWNERSHIP. But LaPierre likes to get his dumber members all hot and bothered, so they'll send him money, and show the suck-ups in DC who take the NRA's money that he can muster his dumbshit troops.

A suckup in the American UN mission said that they were "in discussion with the group and understand their concerns." You dipstick, don't discuss SHIT with them. Tell LaPierre he's got it wrong, and tell HIM to set his legion of fools straight.
 
 

July 2005: The NRA, knowing full well that the city of Columbus, Ohio was planning an assault weapons ban, scheduled their annual convention for that town anyway. Then when the ban passed, they loudly announced they were cancelling, just so they could get some publicity out of it. What pandering sleazeballs they are.

June 2002: According to the General Accounting Office, since November 1998, when the National Instant Check System replaced the Brady Law waiting period, 11000 felons, mental patients, fugitives, and other people ineligible to buy guns have been able to purchase them anyway, because the FBI didn't have enough time to complete background checks.  And why don't they have the time?  Because those whining assholes from the NRA don't want their members to be inconvenienced whenthey want to buy guns.  All guns and ammo, all the time.  The NRA claims to be all about law enforcement, but it's really all about selfishness.  They are are in utter fear that they will lose 24-hour access to whatever toys they might want to buy, that they allow guns to get in the hands of nuts and crooks.
 
 

November 2000  -- "Your Majesty, the Ambassador from Pansyville."

Massive bonehead Charlton Heston spoke to a university group in London, and accused Britons of "cultural cowardice" because they don't all walk around with guns.  He said that they're afraid, because they're not an armed society.  And you know what else, Chuck?  They get shot in far fewer numbers.  Forget straight amounts, there's more of us.  Think percentages.  Your odds of getting shot in the USA are far greater than in the UK. The US homicide rate is six times that of the UK.  As far as the Brits being cowards, they sure kick ass in wars.  They were right there with us in Iraq, they stomped the Argies in the Falklands, and they held up pretty good against the Germans before we kicked in.  I think the coward is the small-dicked individual who feels the need to walk around with a pistol in his fanny pack because he can't get the job done with his fists. 

In fact, British law wouldn't let Heston enter the country with his piece, so he stated "I would feel safer stepping off the plane in Los Angeles ... than walking the streets of London."  All because he's not packing.  WIMP.  There's simply no grass-roots desire to arm the country.  Heston should just, well, let's see, what's the phrase ..... oh yeah.  Shut the hell up and grow some balls. I walked all over London for MILES, for a week and a half, including through a couple of pretty bad neighborhoods, even at night, and I came back safe. Whaddaya know?

Just an extra tidbit: Fred Thompson, while also kissing the NRA's ass, said that he wasn't comfortable in New York City, because of their tough gun laws. Just another pussy on the campaign trail.
 

August 2000

Just a quick note: Charlton Heston and his band of lying scumbags like to refer to our historical love affair with guns.  The fact is, in colonial times, not a helluva lotta people owned guns.  They were expensive to buy, and expensive to supply with balls and powder.  Colonials hated the militias, and few people wanted to join.  The republicans (not the current party) liked militias over the idea of a standing army.  After the Revolutionary War, the government offered to sell the soldiers' guns to them, but few bought.  It wasn't until the Civil War that the government got into the gun business, and trained a lotta guys how to shoot. 
 

May 2000

Charlton Heston  stood before the collective idiots at the NRA convention in South Carolina this month and LIED TO THEM.  He said that Clinton and Gore were trying to make gun ownership illegal.  That was a LIE.  They were NOT trying to do that.  They were simply trying to make it harder for crooks to get guns, trying to make it harder for people to get away with gun crimes, trying to bring some sanity to the gun-happy population.  But Heston and his partner in crime, Wayne LaPierre ($400,000 a year in salary, btw), feel the need to lie again and again, in order to fire up the troops. 

Heston also took the time to ridicule the people who took part in the Million Mom March.  SCUMBAG.  Many of the speakers and participants are mothers who have lost their children to gunfire, because, face it, THERE ARE TOO MANY GUNS OUT THERE.

LaPierre, no genius himself, also announced that month plans for an NRA theme store in Times Square, New York City.  It was supposed to be a family-friendly place to buy, discuss, and revel in guns.  Personally, I think it's a great idea.  It will become a focal point for all gun protests in New York.  Every time a child is shot in a school, every time a teacher or a cop are shot, people with signs will have a place to show up and give the NRA some well-deserved shit.
 
 

March 2000

Wayne LaPierre and Charlton Heston, Idiots Emeritus of the NRA, are now going after President Clinton on a personal level, calling him a "liar."  They accuse him of using gun deaths for political advantage.  The fact is, he MUST use every new senseless gun death to further press the cause of sensible gun laws, which these clowns with their special interests and childish desire to protect every last Teflon-coated bullet just don't get.

WHOA!  And now LaPierre says that the president accepts a certain level of killing in order to further his political agenda.  He even says Clinton is responsible for the shooting death of Ricky Byrdsong by hate-monger Benjamin Smith.  LaPierre has angered even moderate Republicans. By being such an illogical oaf, LaPierre has given the Democrats major ammo.  Heston just keeps falling in line.  These guys just don't get it. 

What LaPierre leaves out, so conveniently, is that while Benjamin Smith did indeed fail a background check for a weapons purchase, he later succcessfully bought a gun from an unlicensed dealer who bought 65 guns from one store over a two-year period and then took out ads to peddle them.  If that dealer had been limited to one gun buy per month nationwide, the way they do it in Maryland and Virginia, he might not have been able to sell to Smith.  But see, while one gun a month is way more than enough for a legit gun owner,  the NRA wants us all to be able to buy as many damn guns as we want, and not have to wait.  You never know when the urge is gonna hit you, and you need a gun, and you want it NOW, and tomorow you might want three or four more.  All guns, all the time.
 

January 2000

Gun industry groups and the NRA have formed a political action group (PAC) to raise money for candidates who will resist any and all gun legislation.  Their group is called SHOT (Shooting, Hunting, Outdoor Trades).   Wayne LaPierre, NRA Executive Vie President, lying like always, says that the Clinton administration is leading a movement to confiscate "every rifle, shotgun, and pistol in America."  What a bunch of CRAP.

One of their goals is defeating a renewed push by Clinton and congressional Democrats to pass a law requiring trigger locks, and background checks of buyers at gun shows, those great loopholes, to keep guns out of the hands of crooks and straw buyers (people who buy guns to pass them on to other, unauthorized gun owners).  The Senate passed the bill in 1999, but the House blocked it, under the weight of all that special interest money.

Heston made a statement directly following the horrendous shootings at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado: he blames the parents (well, so do I, actually), says the school shouldn't have let these boys wear black trench coats to school, and he also says that schools should have armed guards. Hey, there's an idea: to fix the gun problem, let's throw more guns at it!
 
 

Heston has proved himself preposterously insensitive, uneducated, and downright misanthropic over the issue of guns and gun control. In April of '99, he and his gang of morons lost on a bid to get the state of Missouri to pass a concealed weapons law. A traditionally gun-friendly state turned down his bid to make their home a battleground for his bullet-brained agenda.

Gun Goons in D.C.
 

Bush steps in it regarding Virginia Tech massacre

In the same breath as "gee, it's a terrible tragedy," Bush's current temp press secretary almost immediately added "the president believes in the right to bear arms." So it barely gets out that he's sorry about what happened, but the White House wants the NRA and its evil f____g minions to know that they won't let the fact that any redneck piece of shit who wants to conceal-carry in the state of Virginia will be free to keep doing so. He couldn't even have his chick deliver a heartfelt message of condolence without slipping in a plug for the gun nuts. Un-freaking-believable.

Any moron who meets the height requirement in Virginia can get a gun, and worse yet, can get a concealed-carry permit. Hey, as long as the rednecks only shoot each other, and stay off campus, who gives a shit?
 

Losers in the 2006 midterms

Good news from the Brady Campaign: 95% of all Brady-endorsed candidates won. 80% of their endorsed candidates beat NRA-endorsed candidates head to head. NRA-backed Senate candidates lost 18 out of 26 races. In the House, it was 109 NRA candidates losing. The NRA spent millions, and lost big.
 

Hiding behind the Constitution and rhetoric

April 2006: The mayors of several American cities, including the Republican mayor of New York, got together to push Bush on stopping gun violence. Citing the "lack of leadership" on the issue, they're planning on working with their respective governors to get something done. Naturally, a sleazebag from the NRA said that "the American people don't want this, because it doesn't work." But in fact the American people DO want this kind of thing, as is demonstrated in poll after poll.

Two lame bits of bullshit that these double-barrelled dufuses always unload on the populace:

• The Second Amendment. "The right to bear arms shall not be infringed." But they always leave off the FIRST part, regarding the need for a militia. Well, unlike when the Bill of Rights was first composed, we now have a large standing army, a National Guard, a very nice police force, and enough people to look out for us that we don't need a bunch of Bubbas with Teflon bullets stuffed into twenty-round magazines.  In fact, even the Supreme Court DOES NOT recognize the individual citizen's right to own a gun.  When the Constitution was framed, it was at a time when guns were expensive AND CONTROLLED.  Less than seven percent of the population owned a gun.  The Supreme Court recognizes a militia's right to bear arms.  Billy Bob and the boys DO NOT COUNT as a militia.

 
• "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Yeah, yeah. But they make it a helluva lot easier. I'd rather take my chances with a nutcase who's got a steak knife than a nutcase who's got an assault rifle and can fire fifty rounds before reloading.

May 2005: Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison, brazenly sucking up to the NRA in preparation for running for Texas gov, introduced a bill to repeal gun laws in Washington DC. Huh? Her hometown of Dallas has THE highest crime rate among the USA's largest cities for the seventh year in a row, and some of the most liberal gun laws. Maybe she should worry about her OWN town, her OWN state, before trying to screw with somebody else's town.  The Mayor of DC doesn't want her messing with his gun laws. The citizens don't want her messing with their guns laws. The business community and the POLICE CHIEF don't want her messing with them. All this is, is Hutchinson kissing the NRA's ass.
 

April 2005: Right-wing junket-meister Tom Delay went looking for a few friends, because that's all he's got left, and ended up at an NRA convention. He said it was good to have friends who are "well-armed."  He also repeated that hack phrase (although with no balls at all), "From my cold, dead hands," while hoisting a gun. He looked far less than natural doing so.
 

Fall 2004: President Bush, who promised to support the renewal of the assault weapons ban, instead let it expire. When questioned about it at a campaign stop, he let a woman step between him and the press and say "That's enough, guys." He literally walked away from the question. He has said previously that it makes no sense for civilians to own military-style weapons, and supported law enforcement officials on this issue. Then he caved in to special interests.
 

May 2002 : The Bush Administration clearly illustrates who's in charge ..... and it's the NRA !!!!   Former Attorney-General Ashcroft needlessly pursued a pro-gun agenda.  He wants to assert, CONTRARY TO THE CONSTITUTION, the right of individuals to bear arms, even though the Second Amendment protects arms for a "well-regulated militia," and in spite of the fact that plenty of people already have plenty of guns.  There is so little legislation in place to protect people from guns, gun control legislation has kept illegal guns out of the hands of tens of thousands of felons and mental defectives already, and Ashcroft wants to strip away what little protection we have.

Again, this is just one symptom of the overall problem : the Bush administration is the single most bought and paid for bunch of nincompoops ever foisted unfairly upon the American people by the Electoral College.
 

Dan Quayle, noted Idiot Extraordinaire, registered his typically boneheaded take on the Columbine tragedy: "I hope they don't try to use this as an excuse to take away guns." This f____ng doofus wanted to be president?

One more idiot has also registered his stupidity on the subject: Congressional asshole Trent Lott says that renewed calls for gun control are a "kneejerk" response to what happened in Littleton. No, you damn jackass, what incidents like this do is renew focus on what we already know to be true: guns are too abundant, too easy to get hold of, and, whaddaya know, they make it easy for people to kill other people.

May '99: Less than a month after the tragedy in Colorado, our idiot Congress defeated a measure to close the hole allowing gun show sales to just about anyone. The very next day, realizing what incredibly heartless, thoughtless f_____ing boobs they look like, our representatives, most notably our Republican representatives, backed up massively, and now promise to fix the problem. Why do they continually let a moronic special interest group like the NRA dictate their policies for them? Have they no balls? Have they only pockets to be lined?

June '99: Congress can't pass a gun control bill, but they CAN pass something that says we should post the Ten Commandments in our schools. Idiots!
 

Shortly after the Oklahoma City bombing, LaPierre sent out a fund-raising letter in which he referred to federal agents as "jack booted thugs," and used other Nazi-style imagery. Former president George H.W. Bush (the one with balls and a brain) wrote the following letter to the NRA:

 "I was outraged when, even in the wake of the Oklahoma City tragedy, Mr. Wayne LaPierre, Executive Vice President of NRA, defended his attack on federal agents as 'jack-booted thugs.' To attack Secret Service agents or ATF people or any government law enforcement people as 'wearing Nazi bucket helmets and black storm trooper uniforms' wanting to attack law-abiding citizens is a vicious slander on good people....

I am a gun owner and an avid hunter. Over the years I have agreed with most of NRA's objectives, particularly your educational and training efforts, and your fundamental stance in favor of owning guns.

However, your broadside against Federal agents deeply offends my own sense of decency and honor, and it offends my concept of service to country. It indirectly slanders a wide array of government law enforcement officials, who are out there, day and night, laying their lives on the line for all of us.

You have not repudiated Mr. LaPierre's unwarranted attack. Therefore, I resign as a Life Member of NRA, said resignation to be effective upon your receipt of this letter. Please remove my name from your membership list."

Ammo Asswipes in Illinois

February 2006: There's a very reasonable request to up the price of getting a firearms owner's card in the state of Illinois. Currently it costs $5, even though it costs more than $7 to process one. The greedy, selfish, arrogant bastards who don't want to raise the cost a lousy $2 say that owning a gun is a "right," and therefore it shouldn't cost any more. Well, owning a CAR also appears to be a right, but it costs a helluva lot more than $5 to register one. Other, even dumber assholes wrote the Chicago Tribune to suggest that the state should do away with the cards altogether. See, these selfish assholes, who claim to support law enforcement, want to make it impossible to enforce the laws, because it will inconvenience them.
 

May 2005: The Illinois legislature, continuing its kow-towing to the NRA, is leaning toward legalizing a gun for sporting purposes that is advertised by its manufacturer as being able to bring down a helicopter or plane. Each round costs $10, because it's frigging HUGE. This is NOT a sporting gun, but the idiots at the NRA don't care. They only want one thing: all guns available, all the damn time. Illinois Governor Blagojevich, as is his habit, campaigned hard for gun control, then completely disappeared, THEN blamed the failure of the legislature to enact something reasonable on Chicago's Mayor Daley. Blagojevich has a well-earned reputation for trumpeting various bits of legislation, holding news conferences, jetting all over the state, then doing nothing at all. The only thing he's pushed all the way through is a useless ban on selling violent video games to kids. How about violent WEAPONS?

The legislature is also sucking up badly to the NRA on a bill to destroy all gun purchase records after ninety days. The reasoning is "the state police use these records to track people down and harass them." There is not ONE SINGLE INSTANCE of this that they can point to. It's all just propaganda. These records help track down the perpetrators of gun crimes, as well as track straw purchasers, i.e. guys who buy lots of guns only to turn around and sell them to gangs and other crooks. But the NRA and their flunkies only know, all guns all the time. Damn the consequences. They help arm the very criminals they claim to dislike. 

IL Sen Ed Petka of Plainfield, a GOP mouthpiece for the NRA, apparently, painted a picture of Adolf Hitler taking the guns from Europeans, who were then "herded like sheep and cattle into concentration camps and death camps, where they met their demise." All on account of wanting to keep track of gun purchases. Petka is a disgusting pig for using that comparison.

At least Blagojevich had the cahones to use his amendatory veto to snip out the ridiculous parts of the bill that passed the Illinois House. The bad PR the legislators got from this might very well allow the amended bill to go through, which would be a very good thing.
 
 

March 2001 -- Flesh Wounds 101

Lunacy has run amok in the Illinois legislature.  They're trying to push a concealed carry law.  I guess the only good thing about it is that you have to be at least 21, you have to have a clean record, and pass a gun safety class.  But as usual, whenever somebody goes nuts shooting up a public place, the Gun Nuts come out and say "If only the people standing by were armed, this never would have happened."  So let's note what happened after the shooting at a Santee, California school this month.  Morons wrote to the newspapers saying that a concealed carry law would have enabled teachers or even other students to take out the shooter.  So the answer to nuts with guns is more guns.  Yeah, it's the Archie Bunker answer to hijacking : as passengers board planes, hand each of them a gun
 

In Illinois, Governor George Ryan (now battling a nasty scandal as EX-governor) tried to pass a state law making possession of illegal or illegally transported firearms a felony on the first crack.  Noted Republican shill James "Pate" Phillip, who unfortunately (for the citizens) headed up the Illinois legislature, kept blocking it, saying that Illinois citizens didn't want it. Well, Pate, you lying sack of crap, you should've read the polls, which said that Illinoisans overwhelmingly wanted it.

March '99, the Illinois House Agriculture and Conservation Committee sent to the full Illinois legislature the recommendation that they vote to let hunters use handguns during the state's 10-day deer season. There has been no grassroots effort to stick handguns into the hunting mix. State rep Joel Brunsvold, who sponsored the bill, says that "purists" are anxious to use handguns to hunt deer. In fact, this is just a shallow attempt to wrap more respectability around handguns just as various cities, including Chicago, are attempting to push back on gun manufacturers. The Illinois house rejected this crappy move by gun nuts in the state to push their deadly agenda. This idiotic measure didn't pass.  Once in a while, logic rules.
 

Hare-brained Hunters

First off, hunting isn't really a SPORT. There's no competition to it. Animals are dumb. They don't have telescopic sites. They can't shoot back. There's nothing manly about shooting an unarmed, stupid animal. In fact, unless you're hunting for subsistence, it means you're a fat, greasy faggot.
 

The other side ain't even shootin' back,
      and we're takin' casualties

Wow, I get tired of hearing about how responsible gun owners are. Even people with so-called legit abilities and licenses manage to do damage. November 2007, it's more of the same. The season's barely begun, and four hunters in Minnesota got hurt, with one dead and one critical. They shoot each other, and in one case, a guy shot himself. Holy crap, and these guys got licenses?
 

Fish in a Barrel

Jamison Stone is a little fat 11-year-old kid from Alabama (of course) whose idiot dad set him up in a "hunting enclosure" with a thousand-poung hog that had been raised almost as a pet. It was PENNED IN. The kid shot the hog a whole bunch of times until it died. This kid is so crappy at "hunting" that he had to fire sixteen shots to bring the poor dumb creature down. Was this some kind of accomplishment? Apparently rednecks THINK it is. The dumb-ass redneck dad even set up a website to celebrate his redneck kid's redneck "trophy." 

Furthermore, the dad says on the website "We are not ashamed to hunt on hunting preserves." But it wasn't just a preserve, it was an ENCLOSURE. It is surrounded by a f__g fence. A FENCE. As Lewis Black would say, "Hurry up, we've got it trapped in the corner." This is not hunting. This is killing.

Of course, dumbass right-wingers think that killing things with guns is some sort of accomplishment. John Gibson of Fox "News" even listed little Stone as a "winner" for shooting this dumb animal that had even been given a name by its original owners.
 

Fish in a Barrel,    Part II

Idiot country singer Troy Lee Gentry paid a guy to release captive bear into a three-acre enclosure, surrounded by an electric fence, where it really had no room to run. Gentry then, in a most cowardly fashion, shot the bear. So that he could tell macho tales of his macho hunting prowess, he registered it as having been killed in the wild, instead of in a very small area where it could be cornered. 

The foul scumbag who made all this happen, Lee Marvin Greenly, pleaded guilty to charges related to this "hunt," as well as pleaded guilty to felony charges of helping hunters shoot bears at spots where he'd placed bait to attract the animals. This he did inside a national wildlife refuge.

Will pussy-boy Gentry write a song about all this? Don't hold your breath.
 

Don't ya just love it when hunters on cable TV shows shoot some animal that never had a chance, then hold it up and describe it as "beautiful?"  They hold up a dead duck and spread its wings, or hold up the head of a splattered buck by the antlers, and say, "Ain't that just perty?"  Actually, butthole, it was a whole lot prettier when it was flying or bounding through the bush.
 

 
 

Pull this here trigger, Bubba, t'git home.